Two Fat Girls Take Umbrage

What Not To Wear

2011-10-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ms. M: In the back (or the front) of every fat girl's mind is the topic of fashion. What is fashionable when you aren't a size 0? Apparently the designers for the big girls feel like it's ill-fitting khaki's with a stretchy waist and a frumpy top. I beg to differ. Who wakes up in the morning thinks to themselves, "Gee, I'm really looking forward to an ill-fitting outfit that makes me look like a man..." Not I.

Readers, I have heard that J has gone shopping recently (with teen daughter) to find a new J. Let's see how she did.

J: I am learning that any car ride or shopping trip with Teen Daughter (TD) that exceeds 15 blocks is a big fight waiting to happen (even when she is busy texting her friends and/or listening to her iPod with earphones). Last night, we took a trip to the mall. Let’s just say we needed a mediator.

We arranged to have her Homecoming dress altered (shorten the straps and a small tack to keep her boobage from spilling out). Once that task was accomplished, we should have gone home. That’s where my plan went awry. I suggested since we spend so much time and money buying clothes/things for her, that maybe she could help me pick out a new blouse or something. What the hell was I thinking?

I am a gently (okay, maybe not-so-gently) rounded 54 year-old woman with issues (most of those issues go beyond the scope of this column), especially body issues. I tried on a couple blouses I picked out, what may be appropriately labeled “frumpy”, and TD got a little excited and said she would go pick out some things for me to try on. “Don’t you want to look sexy, Mom?” Not particularly. “You can save these things and wear them ten years from now when you really are an old lady.” I swear I am an old lady now.

I slapped on some pants and a top brought to me by TD. OMG. Even the women on either side of my dressing room chimed in. Left neighbor came out and said I looked great and that we were all dealing with similar issues--did I want to try on her black leopard tunic? Right neighbor said she had no preconceived ideas about who I am or what I do, but that I looked pretty stinkin’ cute in the outfit.

I was worn down, like a smooth, round rock on the beach. I was hot, tired and grumpy and felt ganged up on. I bought that outfit, and thought to myself all the way home that I could return it and nobody would be the wiser, but because TD was so excited I feel pressured to keep it and wear it, but where?

Where would you wear this outfit, Ms. M? Black leggings with a shimmery, sheer, pink colored tunic with big black spots and wings on each side. This outfit screams “LOOK AT ME, WORLD, HERE I COME!”

Ms. M: Before I can dare to comment, I'd have to see said outfit. And let's be clear, your big 'ole mouth is already screaming, “LOOK AT ME, WORLD, HERE I COME!”, so I'm not buying that rationale for a second. Looks like a field trip is in order to your place. I'll bring the camera so our readers can 'weigh' in as well.

Back On The Horse, Cowgirl

2011-10-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

J: Like the sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our fat lives. I threw away one pound this week, but more importantly, I feel like I'm back in a controlled groove. Husband took me out for breakfast this morning and I only ate half, taking home the other half for teen daughter. I try to eat an apple a day. I try to drink more liquids and eat less stuff. I hear that slow and steady wins the race and I'm working on it, one pound at a time.

I do not, however, have ANY desire to exercise, nor do I have any desire to get the desire. What's new with you?

Ms. M: I did not fare so well this week and I DID exercise. Zumba happened on Tuesday, which just about killed me, and yet my food is still not in control. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and I don't want a lecture, so I'll just leave it at this: My plan is to have a better plan this week. (Oh, and I believe it's sand 'through' the hourglass, but I could be mistaken).

One non-weight related goal that I simply have GOT to get a handle on is reconciling my home and work calendar. Too often I am falling into the trap of double scheduling. On a weight related note, this stresses me out.

Finally, I'm looking forward to our scrap weekend that's coming up. I always seem to have better eating behavior when my hands aren't free to stuff my face.

J: Scrap weekend is now over. We are both up lbs. Something’s gotta give.

I made some interesting choices over the weekend, For one, I added dessert to my reportoire. Since when do I eat dessert? My wish for myself this week is to focus on packing my snacks, drinking liquids and eating at least an apple a day. You?

Ms. M: I LOVE dessert. Wait...was that the question? Let me focus, re-read and answer again...I LOVE dessert. I think my plan is to ultimately eat less....of everything....and get real. Actually, I'm going to press myself to have lunch each day. I keep missing lunch, which leads to a starvation attitude for me at the end of the day..then I have zero control.

J: Back on the horse, cowgirl.

My Weight Can't Take Another Meeting

2011-09-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

Ms. M: This has been a horrid couple of weeks with regards to commitments.

I had curriculum night, a technology meeting, and two leadership (district and school) team meetings. Next week I'll be attending a safety meeting, a literacy lead meeting, and another leadership meeting. All of these meetings have led to REALLY bad behavior with regards to food.

I am NOT looking forward to the scale this weekend. Next week, in the midst of all of my pre-scheduled time, I am getting my sorry self back to Zumba. I have to do something to pull it together.

J: Over-scheduling seems to be what we do best.

Conveniently, having too many commitments and things to do leaves me too tired to prepare healthy snacks and meals and I often grab whatever is handy and available. I am usually too tired to cook (and I hate cooking, mostly) and find a drive-through fast food joint is the answer to my prayers.

Sadly, the food sucks, is not that enjoyable and has been proven to be totally unhealthy for me, and whomever I am dragging along that day (usually kid or husband).

Many women dream of being filthy rich and having jewels, fast cars, big houses, fancy furniture. Me? I just want someone to run my kitchen. Planning, shopping, chopping, preparing, packing, serving, and cleaning up at the end of each meal. I know that is an immature fantasy, but hey…it’s my fantasy.

Weigh day tomorrow, Ms. M. What will the scale bring?

Ms. M: Well, weigh day has come and gone and I don't have anything spectacular to report. I will say that despite my bad behavior and lack of structure in food, I did manage to drop, throw away, or lose (depending on what we're calling it these days), .5 lbs. Yes, it is only a half-pound loss, which sucks, but after looking at my week, I'm amazed. How about you, J? Anything super-shocking/exciting on the scale?

J: Weigh day brought me an extra .4 pounds. Not a very nice gift. I have higher expectations for myself this week (no, not to gain more weight, but to eat better!) As mom used to say “Onward and Upward” my friend.

Finding The Pretzel Within

2011-09-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

J: Today is weigh day. I am feeling neither successful, nor encouraged. I had a crappy week.

Work was hard--home was hard. I haven't been feeling very good about myself--both inside and out. As my teen leaves for school in the morning I shout out "Be beautiful on the inside too!" (she spends hours on the outside--no worries). But I don't feel very beautiful inside. I am a phony. I talk the talk, but don't do any of the work. It's my pity party and I can cry if I want to...

M: It sounds like you are battling the pretzel, my friend. Inside, you're all twisted and piled with salt. Salt, as we know makes us hold water. In your case, you're holding on to negative behavior. Hmmm....I think we've been down this road before.

The pretzel for me this week is the actual pretzel....the dangerous snack. I've been keeping a pretty close eye on my food this week. I'm not counting calories, but I am paying attention to what goes into my mouth. At any rate, I had a fairly steady week and was feeling pretty successful with my food intake until.....dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn......the Sounders game last night.

I knew we'd be eating at the stadium and had planned accordingly. What I did NOT know is the hold that a giant pretzel can have. I purchased my planned meal, a slice a pizza (not great, but only one) and a soda. Away we went to find our seats until Husband said, "Oh, I want a hotdog instead." And there it was. Staring me down. Even calling out to me. The salted pretzel. The bad news? I bought it. The other bad news? I ate it. The other bad news? I ate the pizza too. The mildly redeeming news? I did not finish the piece of pizza.

Despite what shall be forever know as the "Peril of the Pretzel", I managed to throw away .8 lbs. Now we need to go about addressing your pretzel. How will you gain control of your peril?

J: I think you might be right, Ms. M. I do sort of feel like a pretzel, all knotted up inside. A challenge for me is to not eat up a bunch of food/calories to assuage that knot. I threw away nearly two pounds this week.

I am going away today on vacation for three days, away from home and work. I am going to an unplugged location on the water in a remote area. In other words, not a lot of distractions. I think the timing Is perfect. I have no one to please but myself, and can therapize through knitting, reading, painting, beach glass hunting and enjoying the awesomeness of the beach and water. At this juncture, I am unsure if Husband will be going, but will make the best of either situation.

I need to tap into the beauty inside. My biggest fear is that there isn’t any in there…

Ms. M's Final Thought: It would be delightful if Husband would follow through with his commitment and surely you'd have lots of fun, and should he not attend, this may the universe telling you to spend some one on one time with your pretzel.

Where the Hell Have You Been?

2011-09-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

"The beginning is the most important part of the work." ~ Plato

Ms. M: Day 13,420 in fativity.....I mean captivity....in my body that is.

My good friend J has been hounding me to help her get the blog going again. I have committed to blogging at least once a week. Clearly, we have lost contact with the mother ship, er, I mean B, since she found a new bf. Her new and active life, in conjunction with a boyfriend have kept her busy.

This begs the question: Are J and I fat because we no longer have boyfriends? Have I managed to gain and hang on to an extra 100 lbs because I'm married to 200 lbs?

J: NOTE: My apologies to our friend Ann Mitchell in advance for ending so many sentences with prepositions. Somewhere she is cruelly mocking us--where could she be at?

I think Husband would slightly object to my having a boyfriend, but I might ask him. My fat history illustrates that I lost weight/stayed slim in order to catch the man, but as soon as I got him, I packed on the pounds. There have been studies about this (I think I can use that phrase to support just about anything I want to say...).

WHY this is, isn't nearly as important as, WHAT it is. Ms. M and I have extra poundage to throw away. THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE! We will want to monitor B very closely.

She doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to ask (okay, so I make DEMANDS...get over it) Ms. M to weigh in on Monday.

I seem to recall that I always get arms & elbows from her about wanting to weigh in on the weekend instead--something to do with taking a shower upstairs but going downstairs to weigh in (I think she thinks she will weigh less downstairs!) and not wanting to get dressed in work clothes only to run downstairs and get naked so she will weigh less. What a crock! I will weigh in on Mondays too.

Ms. M: I am not going downstairs to strip off my clothes to weigh just because you think Monday is so great. I refuse. You aren't the boss of me! If you're so "flexible", pick a different day to weigh.

(BTW, Ann Mitchell is either too busy sorting out the liar folder in a large, brightly colored sweater, or working those buns of steel in an aerobics class to care about my grammar.)

J: Okay, it's easier to cave in that continuing to browbeat you...Sunday is weigh in day. Now let's get moving!

Time For Independence Day

2011-07-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

Apathy adds up, in the long run, to cowardice. ~ Rollo May, The Courage to Create

The first thing that comes to mind in regards to holidays (aside from family and friends) is food. My sister invited us over to her place to watch the big city fireworks show this year. She has a 4-story town home with an open deck on the top...we'll have the million dollar view of the display just across the street on the lake. We also can visit my cousin's boat at the dock and view from down on the water. I am so excited.

However, I can already tell that I will be unable to stop myself from eating too much and frankly...I'm just not caring today. Therein, probably, lies the problem. I just don't care. I must care more about what I want going down the hatch, than how the hatch looks in a swimsuit or when I can't find anything to fit the hatch or crying over how big the hatch is.

I found this quote about apathy and it ticks me off. Is that what it is? Cowardice? Fear of having the feelings and feeling them too? Nobody, and I mean nobody will get away with calling me a coward. So what am I going to do about it? I don't know.

All of this dysfunction about overeating and my focus on weight and calories and size is making me miserable. Is it possible to just enjoy this weekend with my family and friends, try to eat moderately and focus on the fun? Try to emancipate from the part of me that doesn't support me for who I am and what I do. I'll keep you posted.

Happy Independence Day!!!

Anchor's Aweigh

2011-06-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea..." - Antoine de Saint Exupery

Weigh Day: 250.4 That's nearly 32 pounds thrown away and a hell of a lot more to go. I could let this discourage me and I probably will. It's not like I woke up today and I was suddenly fat. This has taken 40 years to perfect. Now it's time to undo the immature thinking and behavior that has led me to stuff my feelings and take the easy way out (silly, it's really not the easy way at all).

When trying to coax (okay, coerce) my 5 year nephew old to make the right decision, I give him two choices. The first one is the one I want him to select and the second one usually has a sucky consequence built in.

For example, one evening he didn't want to turn off his cartoons and come to dinner. I offered him the following: 1) Come to dinner and still get to watch some TV before bed; or 2) Skip dinner, watch cartoons and lose TV privileges for a week. With this particular child, he ALWAYS picks the right choice, number one.

Now, let's examine MY behavior. I need to be coaxed (okay, coerced) into making the right decision about my life plan. Pretend I give myself two choices. The first one is the decision I should select and the second decision usually has a sucky consequence built in.

For example, the immature me wants to eat crap food, some impulse snack, junk, sugar, etc. instead of healthy, measured, good-for-me items. I offer myself the following: 1) Stay within my self-prescribed healthy plan, eating foods that are good for me and looking good and feeling good about myself; or 2) Eat the crap food, some impulse snack, junk, sugar, etc and give myself bad knees, fat rolls, high blood pressure and a big ass.

Now why do I continue to pick the option with the sucky consequences? Any moron would if they just didn't care about the consequences or didn't think the consequences applied to them. It reminds me of raising teenagers. They think they are infallible and bad things just won't happen to them despite the risks they may incur. That is most likely their brain talking before it is fully and maturely formed. I think I am stuck somewhere between 5 and 13.

I hate to say this out loud, but I think I need some Tough Love! Or not? Maybe, like the quote above, I need to learn to yearn for health and fitness.

One More Day

2011-06-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

" One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching." ~ Author unknown

     I have one more long, hard, tedious, challenging day of work left before I can step foot into my summer vacation. But, I have one big weekend to enjoy first, filled with fun, friends, and family. Saturday is take care of Papa day, with a little beach glass hunting thrown in, and today, Sunday, is Irish day at the horse races, sure to be filled with music and fun. Lots of relatives and friends will be joining us for Irish music, dancing, kids games, food and of course, the ponies. And of course, we will have the divine baby granddaughter for the day.

     While I have been having piles of fun lately, cramming in as many good times as possible between boughts of work, my housekeeping has come to a screeching halt.

     Piles of papers, clothes, charges/adapters for electronics swinging off of my dresser. Dirty laundry, dishes, weeds. Yikes!!! By the time vacation starts tonight, I will have so much home work to do. After much carrying on, I was able to hire a housecleaner for my dad...where is my staff? And I don't think three children and husband count. Who in their right mind would want to clean this mess? Exactly.

     As I start my summer, I have so many dreams, wishes, bucket list items, etc. On the top of the list is digging out my life plan and getting healthy and throwing away some weight. My aunt was getting rid of her fat clothes, because at age 85, she's gotten healthy and discarded her excess weight. That tells me it is never too late (and it also points out that I am on the receiving end of fat clothes). Granted, it was a grand t-shirt from Ireland, but still!

     Back to the life plan and what needs to be done...selecting healthy food, logging and tracking calories, exercise and drinking water. Not too difficult. My immature self wants to start July 1. My mature self (largely hidden) wants to start today. Part of the life plan HAS to be exorcising that immature self and putting somebody else in charge.

     Since it is Monday, it is weigh day.   Even though I am inwardly cringing, I will post the results and move on. I have to have a starting point, though, and some measurable goals, and this should help me on my journey.

How Do I Love Thee?

2011-06-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

“One is wise to cultivate the tree that bears fruit in our soul.” ~ Henry Davud Thoreau

While the calendar has flipped over to indicate the onset of summer, the weather here has barely made the mark (although there was a little sunshine today).

Hello Summer!

As previously mentioned, I work in an elementary school, and tomorrow is the last day of school for the students. Add one more day, then the teachers will fly the coop. Two more days, and I will say "Sayonara" to paperwork and phones and schedules and a big cheery "Hello" to boundless days off, mornings filled with cups of coffee and hummingbirds, and evenings of starry nights with a blazing campfire and a big Margarita.

How do I love thee Summer? Let me count the ways...

- My stress level goes WAY down. Eating is better, mood is better, exercise is up.

- More fruits and veggies in my diet. There is nothing better than fresh raspberries picked right off the bush. Big heavy meals do not appeal to me during this season and they bog me down if I want to swim or engage in some other fun summer activity.

- With so much free time on my hands, I am more inclined to drag out the craft supplies and can often be found in the backyard or on the deck creating mosaics, painting or gardening.

- Free time means I have shrugged off the multitude of kid activities that I drive to and from during the school year (basketball, soccer, dance, piano, etc.) In the summer, the kids are either with me or with someone else (camp, relatives, friends). There just isn't a lot of driving.

- I get to wear less clothes, so I'm just not as hot and crabby as I can be in winter wear. And, I can just jump in the pool to cool off. Can't wait!

- Time spent with husband that does not revolve around picking someone up or dropping them off, or a report due, or grades to be done, or newsletters to write or...etc. You get the point. Now our topics of discussion will lean towards home remodeling projects, garden plants and quick summer trips.

- Time to catch my breath, sort out my clothes, clean up the "hot" spots in the house, vacuum my car, swim in the Hood Canal, look for beach glass, and read some good books.

I am so looking forward to this time off to renew, reinvest in myself and spend time with my favorite people.

What do you love about summer?

Lucky Enough

2011-06-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

I have almost made it through another challenging week. It's Friday night, 5:35 pm. I am chilling in Starbucks after leaving my full time job, picking up kids, and dropping off my two little boys at the ferry so they can visit their dad and family this weekend, before heading to Irish dance dress rehearsal with teen daughter and her friend, in a nearby town.

This week brought a broken minivan, a huge refrigerator leak that ruined the kitchen floor, my office ceiling and some scrapbook supplies. It also brought some legal and financial challenges, time management and marital issues and more time spent ferrying children to and from events (with the right change, change of clothes, packed lunch, homework, costume, etc.) and less time relaxing or taking care of myself. In other words, a pretty average week, these days.

On the bright side, it also brought two of my favorite girlfriends to visit in my living room for a few hours, a get together with my three other favorite gal pals drinking Margaritas and gobbling Mexican appetizers, a job/boss/set of coworkers so fun that almost no one has a right to have that good of a time at work, some sunshine in a city where rain prevails, some great laughs at and with each of my kids, and health for all, even Papa.

Whether or not I want to admit it, I am a very lucky girl. Often misquoting the real saying, I like to say that "if I'm lucky enough to be Irish...I'm lucky enough."

What I didn't find a lot of time, or energy for, was making great life plan choices and taking most excellent care of myself. We are so behind on grocery shopping, that although I could make a pot of coffee in the mornings, we ran out of creamer, then milk and I couldn't enjoy my usual cups of coffee as I perused the news. We ran out of fruit, WW frozen entrees, rice cakes and Skinny Cows. Meals were all sketchy, with single entrees, usually involving some type of non-nutritional carbohydrate/sugar product or pizza.

I did wear many of the new clothes and all of the new bras I bought last weekend, so my self esteem wasn't all bad. Weigh day comes again Monday morning, and I'm sure there will be some price to pay for this neglectful behavior.

I am happy to see another weekend, and although there are still many things to be done, I am feeling just a teeny bit more grateful than usual for what I have and who I am. Maybe it's time to resurrect the gratitude journal?

Getting Fitted/Getting Real

2011-06-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

"Look in a mirror and one thing's sure; what we see is not who we are." ~ Richard Bach

(Warning: bra talk ahead!)

Today was designated as the day for bra replacement shopping. With a couple of hefty girls forming a very ample bosom, finding something suitable (defined by separation and lifting ability) plus even halfway decent to look at and in a price range less than a new Range Rover, is nearly impossible. Thus, I avoid it and procrastinate so long, the existing bras have practically disintegrated and lost any shape that might have been manufactured into them. Somewhere along the way, I forgot the concept of rotating my bras and buying new ones every six months. I think it has been two years.

When the bras start to go, my self esteem kinda heads south too. My blouses start to fit weird and I look like some kind of slouch.

The best fitting bras are a brand I found at Nordstrom's and cost three to five times as much as a cheapie bra found at, say, Wal-Mart. I have resigned myself to this and head into the mall knowing I will probably spend a small fortune for a better fit and a slight increase in good will about myself.

But today I have wrangled the gym nazi into participating and she becomes my cheering section. I have surprised myself by asking her to come today, since she is a teeny, tiny gal, size small without any boobs at all. She is completely stymied by my issues about this trip, since she has spent her whole life trying to make her chest appear larger. The nerve!

I snag a sales clerk and we head into the fitting rooms. OMG! The 3-way mirror. I start to back out of the room, but the clerk ushers me in for the "fitting". As if it isn't bad enough to strip half naked and have the girls swinging around the dressing room, the 3-way mirror won't stop staring. After a quick measure, the clerk leaves and I am left alone to stare at all of me. The 3-way mirror shows some less than flattering sides of me and and am torn between never coming back to shop here or getting a 3-way mirror installed in my bedroom.

At any rate, I left with a bag full of bras and I feel uplifted and new. I resolve to do better on my life plan so that in three to six months when I need to shop again, I will feel better when I visit the 3-way.

What Is a Mom To Do?

2011-05-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.” ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo

After a nice, long 3-day holiday weekend, I roll back to work with a crazy, busy schedule.

This week is my big volunteer party I throw once a year (shop, decorate, set up, cook, clean up), T's basketball practice, band concert, and two basketball games, Teen Daughter has Irish dance on Tuesday and Thursday, driver's education on Wednesday, and friend's birthday parties on Friday and Saturday, J's preschool Extravaganza (read...party, bring a fruit tray), drive two hours one way to take care of 91 year old Papa (shop, clean, cook, pay bills, do yardwork), Husband has a big open house at work, and Sunday we babysit our 6-month old granddaughter all day. All in addition to my full time job. If I wasn't so darn exhausted all the time, I would think I am pretty amazing.

And this is not an isolated week. Every week is full of these types of events and activities.

Husband and I both work at schools, so our year starts in mid-August and ends in June. This is a very busy time of year for both of us. Add six children, ages 5-30, plus one grandbaby, all with varying needs at different phases in their lives and we are consumed by family demands. And let's not forget our two aging parents, dads, aged 91 and 86. July cannot get her fast enough.

I am not complaining. I just don't know how to fit it all in and work my life plan. I can't very well put the rest of my life on hold while I count calories, get to the gym, keep a food journal, and all other things life plan related. And, my current lifestyle has lots of added stress. My favorite response to stress is to overeat. It feels pretty hopeless from where I am sitting now.

I admit I am not feeling motivated. My cheering section has moved on to focus on other parts of their lives. Even though I am surrounded by folks most of the time, I feel alone in my quest.

We Made It!

2011-05-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. ~Confucius

In an effort to give her some focused attention, Husband and I took Teen Daughter to see the movie Bridesmaids. All three of us laughed our heads off. That movie was hilarious! We shopped after the movie and TD bought a couple dresses, some shorts and a sweater. Dinner at Taco Time and our outing with her, 5 hours-long, was a huge success. It has been so hard to give her any attention, especially since she has been so prickly.

Now, I need to turn my attention to ME. I have some organizational issues regarding my home, my yard, my car, my paperwork, my clothes, just to name a few. There is only one of me, and I can't find the energy or time to take care of it all. I am very lucky to have Husband--he carries more than his share of the load...with the kids, the bills, fixing the home, laundry, and the cooking. I have spent a lot of time recently goofing around on the computer and playing games on my cell phone. I have a cadre of excuses. Really, I just need to get moving.

Today is day two of a three day weekend. What can I accomplish today? I would like to have balance today, give back to the house and laundry, give Husband some time and attention and start to get my scrapbook stuff in order. Will that leave time for weeding and mowing? What about my life plan? I have been WAY off track. My body feels wiggly and jiggly and the weight loss has completely stalled.

Where is the self-love? Why have I made myself back burner? There is still such a disconnect between shoveling food into my mouth and the resulting body and weight. Why am I still not worth it?

Holiday Weekend Approaching

2011-05-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

"Little children, headache; big children, heartache." ~Italian Proverb

I cherish the thought of a nearly 4-day weekend. Work is ramping up and I desperately need some down time. Our little boys are spending the weekend with their grandparents, so it's just Husband, Teen Daughter and I. Our foster boys are 5 and 12. They are FAR less work than Teen Daughter. We are committed to spending some time with her today, but she comes fully loaded, a porcupine ready to defend.

The first challenge is: what can the three of us do together and still remain on speaking terms?

I think a chick flick--we can buy gobs of candy and popcorn and sit quietly, all together. No hard conversations, no conflict. But sadly, not on the life plan and Husband isn't very gung ho about seeing Bridesmaids.

He thinks we should go buy her hiking boots--I envision Walmart (which I despise), with lots of walking (my sore feet!), lots of annoying shoppers, and other impulse shopping that isn't necessary. Not today.

I wonder what she wants to do?

My biggest stress comes from the relationship I have with TD currently. She is moody, up one moment, and dragging and depressed the next. She spits venom--I kid you not. She hates us and we are the worst parents in the world. My overeating is about all of this.

My responses vary. Sometimes I can cajole her out of her pissiness and other times I bait her. And sometimes I even give her the silent treatment so I won't say the horrible things I am thinking.

I remember being 16. I felt everything she is feeling and it was a very hard period growing up. But I am struggling now with how to parent HER. Somehow I imagine there is a Freud paragraph about how I need to "parent and love my own 16 year old girl inside me" and then I will know how to parent the 16 year old girl that loves to hate me.

Food is just so comforting to me now. That is a nightmare.

The Belly Of The Beast

2011-05-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha

Whoa! This week has flown by. My life plan has suffered almost every day for a combination of reasons: lack of preparation (not buying and packing snacks and meals), heavy calories at dinner (Husband makes high carb dinners with too big servings and I have zero to none will to control myself), roller coaster behavior from Teen Daughter (hormones, being 16, crappy progress report/grades, etc.) I know these are all EXCUSES, but....

No but!!! They are all EXCUSES.

I think what I am battling here is just not feeling GOOD ENOUGH or DESERVING ENOUGH to take great care of myself emotionally and physically. Or is it just not wanting it ENOUGH? Or are all the emotions too big and I must SELF-MEDICATE with food? Or...is it all of the above?

I love the quote from Buddha, but have you seen him lately? He's carrying an extra 75 pounds, at least. But, he definitely looks a lot happier than me. I carry a lot of inner angst, which I'm sure equals extra pounds. I think that compulsively overeating goes a long way to calm the angst.

I have developed other strategies over the years to replace the compulsive overeating...exercise, crafts, reading, knitting, sleeping. But somehow I always slip back to what I have know the longest and most likely crave more, the feeding of serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine in my brain via carbs and sugar.

Am I a lost cause?

A Mother of a Day

2011-05-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries

I got to hold and kiss and cuddle my baby granddaughter yesterday. Is there anything sweeter?

Today is Mother's Day and I became a mother over 30 years ago for the first time. There was nothing as painful and as joyful as giving birth to my babies. I loved raising my family (well, at least until they turned into teen-monster-agers). Four children later, I am now reaping the rewards of being a grandmother. You still get all the joy, but none of the pain. And she goes home to her own house to sleep.

This has been a good week. I feel more centered and like I am beginning to re-manage my self towards a healthier life. Don't get me wrong...there has been some almost unbearable stress too. My foster boys bring lots of fresh pain...they are little boys with two nearly absent parents. It is hard to watch them navigate their days when I think about all that they are missing out on. They will get extra hugs and kisses today.

I miss my mother today. I miss my mother every day. I lost her over five years ago and still have some disbelief that she is gone. She raised 7 children and to this day, I just don't know how she did it all. She was creative and energetic, organized and sweet, cranky and adventurous. There are so many things I would like to talk over with her, only things a mother can know. Happy Mother's Day, Virginia!

My oldest daughter lost her infant nearly ten years ago and this day is particularly hard for her. She is a mother, but without her child, and should be recognized too. Happy Mother's Day, B!

And finally, my only sister is also a mother and I am going to spend the day with her. She is a great cook and hostess and I look forward to taking it all in. She asked what I wanted for brunch and I asked for fresh fruit. We'll see. She weighs 90 pounds soaking wet and can't gain weight. I'm certain that one of us is adopted.

Hope your day is great.

There's No Place Like Home

2011-05-06T17:54:00.000-07:00

"Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, there's no place like home."

~ from the Wizard of Oz

Ahhhhh, the weekend has arrived. While not perfect, I adhered fairly closely to my life plan, eating some odd things, but in lieu of other food, not in addition. We have popcorn day at work once per month and I love the little bags of popcorn. 450 calories worth. For dinner...pretzels and ranch dressing 220 calories.

Came home to a dirty house with a multitude of unfinished projects. When it's daylight out I can see everything that is wrong. Our 12 year-old brought a friend home from school (comes from a family with LOTS of money) and when I try to see my house through his gold colored glasses, I see a shack, barely standing with newspaper covered walls and soot dusted over the stick furnture from the coal stove that heats the whole house.

Okay, really? We live in a 1970's split and it's comfortable and we have a rockin' back yard. There just seems to be too much to do all the time and while my expectations are high, my energy is really low. I need a wife.

On the bright side, the same child has his first basketball game tonight and he is really excited. Plus he has a new friend over and they are up to their eyeballs in video games until it is time to leave. Our 5 year-old is bouncing around, happy about everything. Teen daughter is gone for the evening and boy is that a relief. She's really been a poo this week.

I will strive to balance my responsibilities with equal amounts of fun this weekend. There may even be an alcoholic beverage with my name on it, preferably something that rhymes with hargarita.

Starbucks is a Bust

2011-05-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~Author Unknown

Yesterday and today have nudged the stress barometer up several notches. These are the times that drive me straight to compulsive overeating and I stumble.

Today I struggled because I wasn't prepared for the work meeting that ate up my entire morning. I get bored at these meetings and there are always snacks. I usually dive in and eat, even if I am not hungry, mostly to relieve my boredom.

Today I stopped at Starbucks on the way and got a nonfat latte and asked for their low-fat muffin. Holy Guacamole!!!!! 490 calories just for the muffin. And it wasn't even good. I discovered raisins when I was nearly done and I despise raisins. Ick! Massive texture violation.

Mid-day, too many calories had been consumed. Had my usual lunch, worked the rest of the day and got home around 6.

No dinner planned. Picked poor dinner choices and ended the day about 500 calories over my goal. Not wanting to add to my troubled plan tonight I took my little guy and my stress out to the backyard to start pulling weeds. I hardly made a dent and there are so many more. But giving up (in anything) is just not an option for me.

So I use my tools, write everything down, take a deep breath and feel my feelings. Mother's Day is coming in a few days. My mother has been gone for over five years. I miss her madly. I am the mother to four, new foster mother to two more. I reflect on the relationships I have with each one and vow to do more, to do better. Off to bed.

Time Off For Good Behavior?

2011-05-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

"No vacation goes unpunished."

~Karl Hakkarainen

Today I mulled over the notion of "taking a day off" during weight loss. What does that really mean to me?

I have found the most success at throwing weight away when I apply the few, simple tools that work for ME: writing down everything I eat, staying under 1800 calories, blogging daily (I try) and trying to be present with my feelings, not stuffing them down with food. Sometimes I even throw in a little bit of exercise. That's it.

This is NOT a diet. I am still able to eat tasty foods and to keep my stomach fairly satisfied. It does not mean that I can eat everything I want in the quantities that I want, but I am not starving. The plan works when I follow it every day. Why the hell would I take a day off? To allow myself the items I try to stay away from every other day? I think not. Unless I want to trigger my brain and heart into suddenly wanting more and more and more.

As a life long dieter, I constantly feel like I have loose footing...the ground is going to suddenly peel away and send me plummeting back into compulsive over-eater land. Having and using the few tools make me feel like I am on solid ground. Vacationing for a day would just set me back even more.

I am 53; overweight beginning at age 12, when puberty blessed me with some bodacious curves. How much more of a set back can I afford? I want to be the mom/granny with lots of energy that is excited about life. Lugging around an extra 100 pounds doesn't afford me that. I'm sluggish, lazy, depressed and tired all the time. This fat girl will remain on the clock.

What Are The Secrets Of Success?

2011-05-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

"All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do."

~ Author Unknown

Today was a good day, right smack about a five. Weigh in was 252.4, a number that is creeping up every day and is starting to feel like a slow-moving runaway train.

I shopped at lunch for low-fat lunch alternatives, recorded everything I ate, and stayed within my desired calorie range. Dragging the day down further from a ten was my trip to the YMCA, because while my little guy went in to play basketball, I stayed in the car and played games on my phone instead of suiting up and working out. I know my behavior is immature, in fact I'm certain that my emotional growth is stunted around age 13.

I constantly vacillate between 1) the lure of the gym, of being fit and healthy wearing a fancy pair of running shoes, sporting velvet sweats with matching monogrammed jacket and being able to boast about my public workout regime, and 2) avoiding the gym, keeping my schedule and workout free (walking cost nothin'), avoiding public germs and crowds, wearing the ratty clothes and shoes I already own, thus avoiding impulse shopping at the Nike store.

At any rate, I have one successful day under my (too large) belt. One day. That's all I can do.

Desperately Seeking Self

2011-05-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday night and the countdown begins again. How many poor choice, high calorie items can I shovel into my gob tonight because tomorrow is weigh day, Monday, start-again day?

Last year I threw away over fifty pounds by counting and limiting calories, writing down everything I ate and finding some inner strength to ditch the pounds. I even exercised once in a great while. I co-authored a blog with two other fat girls.

This year, I have packed twenty pounds back on by not counting and limiting calories, ignoring everything I ate and losing the will to find my healthy self inside. I quit going to the gym. The fat girls bailed on me. One got too busy and the other one thought I was too negative.

I have been down this road before and I must enjoy the scenery because I always end up here. Miserable, alone, self-loathing, uncomfortable, depressed. Negative? I'd say so.

I look for the answers and comfort I seek in the bottom of a chip bag or in a handful of cookies. We all know that all I end up with is guilt compounding the discomfort I am already feeling. Cerebrally I get it. Emotionally I am delayed.

Wish me well as I start again, painstakingly honest, one foot in front of the other, a day at a time.

This is my NOW story.

Can We Stomach It?

2011-04-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”

~ Flannery O’Connor

J: I had an “aha” moment this past week whilst vacationing.

My stomach is an inanimate object.
It doesn't control me or make me feel any certain way.
It is not the sum of me.
It does not define me.
I am no less or no more of a person because of how my stomach looks.

For so many years (post baby, primarily) I have hated, loathed and been repulsed by my stomach. Childbirth produced stretch marks and losing/gaining weight has left it flabby.

Over vacation I made peace with my stomach and I feel better.

It works just fine.
It does it's job.

I love you stomach.

Ms. M: I too, loath the appearance of my stomach....my food baby as it were. My issue is not the stomach proper, but more the stomach suburbs.

The stomach proper isn't the best, it definitely could use lots of toning....my core is there somewhere....but the region south of the stomach (no not THAT far south, readers) is out of control. All of the pants I own are generally loose around the waist to accommodate my suburban lifestyle.

It's definitely time for a change of scenery.

B: You are both so much smarter than I am. You know what you need and you give it to yourselves. Forgiveness! Acceptance!

I am hard on people and have a hard time with those two words. Once I am wronged by someone, they are pretty much gone from my focus. Well, that's why I hung on to my weight for so long, and why it keeps coming back. I am a bitch.

I am glad that you came to the realization, J, to be at ease with yourself. Understanding yourself is the first step on the path to health. Who was I to poo-poo that. so vehemently? Please forgive me.

I just found a positive affirmation that I will be saying to myself for the coming week, whenever I can, "I love myself exactly as I am. I no longer wait to be perfect in order to love myself."

So, even though I wrote my last blog entry from a very negative place, I am going to forgive myself. I hope you both can forgive me too.

Stomach

An enlargement, or series of enlargements, in the anterior part of the alimentary canal, in which food is digested; any cavity in which digestion takes place in an animal; a digestive cavity. See Digestion, and Gastric juice, under Gastric.

The desire for food caused by hunger; appetite; as, a good stomach for roast beef.

Hence appetite in general; inclination; desire.

Violence of temper; anger; sullenness; resentment; willful obstinacy; stubbornness.

Pride; haughtiness; arrogance.

To resent; to remember with anger; to dislike.

To bear without repugnance; to brook.

To be angry.

Life is a Sitcom

2011-04-05T07:26:00.001-07:00

All television is educational television. The question is: what is it teaching? ~Nicholas Johnson

J: I can think of a million television shows that describe my current family/living situation:

Modern Family
Full House
10 Things I Hate About You
All In The Family
The Secret Life of an American Teenager
Just Shoot Me
Lost
Pretty Little Liars

It's Saturday morning and we have three adults, three teen girls, two little boys, two dogs, one cat and a spare dog that just showed up lost and is hanging in our back yard. I am on overload and just about ready to go out of my mind with all the chaos.

Eating was out of control on both Thursday and Friday. Stress level: pretty high. Today is about doing artwork with my little nephew, knitting, savoring my new 300 thread count sheets and pillow cases and minding my own business.

Ms. M: I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling again...or would that be still? It's hard to know, really.

I'm not sure what sitcom would fit my house...perhaps the Odd Couple? Or maybe King of Queens...and I'm both Carrie the loudmouth, pushy broad, and Arthur the old man that can't hear.

We are preparing to go on a mini camp and will leave right after church. It's pretty nice so far, and it will be kind of fun for Husband, dog and me to get away. I'm still on my "I'm sick and food sounds revolting" diet, so I'm not too concerned about snacking. PLUS...I just bought some raspberries from Costco. YUM!

What's up with you, B?

(B is missing again!)

Where Is The Fun?

2011-04-01T07:42:00.001-07:00

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”

~ Author Unknown

J: I am beginning to see the origin of much of my recent stress--Husband. I know, don't laugh. It should be obvious to me by now after 34+ years. But sometimes it catches me by surprise. He isn't the direct cause of stress, but he is a CARRIER.

With all the extra family in our house, Husband has a lot to say about all the going-ons. Only he won't talk directly to the person who is driving him crazy, he chooses instead to vent to me. Hardly surprising, I have plenty of my OWN stress about everything that is happening and have no room to add his stress too. He is a work in progress.

For some unknown reason, my eating has been on track this week and I feel a little better. When my clothes (specifically my trousers) get a little tight I end up feeling so bad about myself. This week they are loosening up a little.

Today starts a ten day spring break. I have no plans. What is it that I do for fun?

Ms. M: I weighed earlier this week and got ZERO credit for it, so I shall announce it to my gal pals again. Down 1.2. Of course I am sick...again....or would that be STILL?! At this point, it's week seven with limited hearing, sore throat, etc. I'm telling you....the key to my latest life plan has been zero desire to eat.

You may have to replace the husband, J. Just kidding. Perhaps re-introducing him to the other family member would be in order....you know...something like, "Husband, this is C. C, Husband. You have something in common. One of you is driving the other crazy. Take a moment to discuss."

B: Wow, 10 day spring break! Ms. M. I hope you are getting the break too, you need it to get yourself healthy? Fun for you J....hmmmm... you used to like to ski. Is that a possibility or do your knees prevent it? What about a retreat for scrapbooking? Motorcycle ride? I'm thinking that all you are going to do is stay home with the extensive family. Is that it then? It's either masses of family and no time for ourselves or no family and too much time for ourselves?

What do people do for fun? Ms. M. What do you do for fun? I asked my coworkers what they like to do and the answers were bowling, Vegas, and scrapbooking. For me it is skiing, scuba, and yoga. Figure it out J. or try something new you've got 10 days to find it.

Alone Again...Naturally

2011-03-29T17:01:00.001-07:00

B: Alone again. I took my oldest daughter to the airport this morning. I have shed too many tears at the Anchorage airport. I'm not going there anymore unless it's to pick somebody up or take myself to a plane!

Both daughters now live in the "lower 48"--that's Alaska talk for all other parts of the U.S. (with the exception of Hawaii--I'm not sure why Hawaii isn't included making it the "lower 49").

I don't want to be included in anything Alaskan anymore. I want to live where I can drive to see my girls, not fly an entire day to see them.

I want to live somewhere that the predominant color of landscape isn't grey or white for nine months of the year. I want to live where tulips are peeking their heads up, where it rains and doesn't freeze to the road, where you don't have to put mittens on to walk the dog, and where moose is something chocolaty!

I want to live somewhere that my bike is on the road or bike trail more than in my garage. I want to live where I can smell the salt water!

Oh geez, I've gotta make some plans.

J: Again...the irony. My house is stuffed to the rafters with people, every day, all the time. Three extra people living here plus Teen Daughter's revolving posse. There is no privacy, no quiet time, no feeling of peace from sitting in a calm, quiet living room enjoying my home.

I would LOVE to take some of them to the airport...in Anchorage or any other city. The irony!!!

So, for different reasons, I've gotta make some plans too.

Minus three pounds this week---hallelujah, fat girls! But I will not get complacent for one fat minute.

Ms. M: Alone again.....took the day off after throwing up this morning. Can you believe it? I just got over being sick, now I have something different that is ailing me. UGH! Can I just say I'm sick of being sick already?!

I got on the scale this morning (feeling some guilt from J) and was down 1.2. I should've waited until after I threw up...I'm probably down even more now.

I'm sorry you're alone, B. It seems like a great time to look for a job in WA. You could be close to us...and if you got a job at Sorenson, you would be RIGHT next door to me.

Great job on the three pounds, J. I have to admit that I called J at her desk yesterday to inquire about teen daughter and heard some munching on the other end of the line. I was so concerned about holding her accountable that I called back to see what she was eating. Her good friend P vouched for her...there was a church revival goin' on in that office as I heard J shout to P, "Can I get a witness?".

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

2011-03-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

J: I know that overeating is just a way to cover up all of the things I don't want to deal with. It is an immature reaction to mature situations.

That said, and knowing that this is so, why can't I seem to stop myself? The thought of confronting the issues I have looming brings fear to my heart. Am I alone here?

Ms. M: No, you are not alone....the rest of us are just ignoring our bad behavior.

I had the luxury (?) of being sick for 6 weeks and having little appetite. This caused stomach to shrink and less food to go in. Lately I'm noticing that I'm leaving meals feeling full. This can only mean one thing: I am stretching stomach out again. I'm not sure where to find the motivation to stop my bad behavior either.

I haven't been to Zumba since getting sick but am planning to attend this Tuesday. I'll let you know if I survive.

B: Sugar & Carbs when consumed = Seratonin & Dopamine...the feel good stuff! So does exercise though. I'm choosing exercise.

Just like giving in to a toddler with a tantrum, every time we give in to the sugar and carbs, the need for them is reinforced. We have to break the cycle and then we will be able to stop ourselves. What? Stop ourselves so that we can stop ourselves? How in the hell are we supposed to do that?

Spring Us From Fat Hell

2011-03-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

J: I miss my fat girls. This trio hasn't written together in . . . forever?

I have struggled terribly these past few months. I seem to be on a roll of self-loathing, self-abuse and lack of any type of motivation to take care of myself. I am so tired of my excuse making, laziness, and unwillingness to make any progress.

I am also sick of the dark, damp weather and the short days and long nights.

I am ready for spring.

B: Struggles? Yep got 'em..... Loathing? Yep got that too?..... Excuses? Oh my Lord.....got em X 50.

Now, we just have to get on with it. I have a plan for losing the 10 pounds I put back on....I am going to take a page from your book J. and write everything down.

I just told my daughter that if I died tomorrow, her job is to ditch the journal in my purse. I explained that it is a journal that I am using to heal my eating disorder.

I was at a group counseling session this a.m. I am as sick as any drug addict or alcoholic, but I am choosing to become healthy. I got healthy by losing weight and exercising, but that was only 1/2 of me...the physical piece. Now it is time to do the really hard work, the mental piece.

So, will you join me friends. I, like you, can't do this alone.

Top O' The Mornin'

2011-03-17T06:12:00.000-07:00

J: I have a few errant thoughts this lovely St. Patrick's Day morning...

1. I am still working to take off my baby weight.

2. My baby turns 16 today. Happy birthday TD!

3. Anyone who says stuffing your feelings with food is a bad thing, is wrong, at times.

4. I have been stuffing my feelings with food and it has kept me sane this week.

and, finally...

If you're lucky enough to be Irish, you're lucky enough.

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

2011-03-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

J: Day three, nothing new to report.

I start out with best intentions and by dinner time, all hell breaks loose. Teen Daughter will be 16 tomorrow and party preparations are seriously underway. She asked to have an Irish Pub birthday party for 20 of her closest 16 year old friends (boys and girls). In a moment of unguarded insanity, we said yes.

Now we have to gut the Wreck (hahaha) Room (imagine 1970's split level boring house) and transform it into an Under 18 Non-Alcoholic Irish Pub.

Teen Daughter reminded me that 16 years ago I was ready to give birth to her, our 4th and Final. Well, she wasn't really final, now, was she? We added two more little boys and an adult niece to the nearly empty nest.

This has to be one of the craziest weeks of the year with all the dance performances, birthday preps, etc. Second only to the first week of school (Husband and I both work at schools).

In between all the craziness, I find many moments to totally loathe myself and the poor food choices I've been making and the lumpy, out-of-shape person I have become.

I can't get ahold of B to save my life, and Ms. M has been sick for so long that my support team has falling off the planet. God forbid I should be there for myself.

Here's to better days again. Slainte'!

Out of Control But Enjoying the Dance

2011-03-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

J: Day two of blogging again. My day went really, really well...until last minute comp tickets were discovered for the opening night of Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance in 3D.

I ate my planned breakfast, lunch and snacks, but all of a sudden had to jet downtown for a movie with absolutely no plan for dinner. This is the part where I digress from my life plan.

Yes, it involved a bucket of buttered popcorn for four, where one of the teens threw in a box of M&M's and stirred it all around. A new treat I didn't need to meet. Followed by handfuls of sour patch kids and a mini bagel with pb&j when I got home and that wrapped up my day.

I have no idea how many calories were consumed, but I think dinner went into the thousands.

My point? Sometimes I have to jump at the freebies thrown my way, but need to balance that with a sensible eating plan. 'Nuff said.

Back on the nag again today.

Glad To Be Back

2011-03-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

J: The Fat Girls have been on an inadvertent hiatus. Some of the Fat Girls have been maintaining their life plan and weight loss and other Fat Girls have been spiraling down into the rabbit hole.

I am one of the latter.

I have plenty of excuses, but sadly, they are only excuses. I want, I need, I have to get back into the groove of self love, self care, great choices, etc.

Life has been overwhelming for me, but I gather if I have enough energy to be screwing around with my health and my body, then I have enough energy to get back on the gol dang nag and get moving.

The good news? I am back at the gym twice per week, kicking and screaming and working out. I wish I could say I was self-disciplined and self-motivated, but that is not the case. My great nephew T wanted to join the YMCA and play basketball, and while I can let myself down (and I do on a regular basis), I cannot let T down. So we go there like clockwork.

I have tried the following combination of life plans:
1. Gym only -- no weight loss, but more energy, firmer muscles
2. Diet only - lost 50 pounds, but can hardly move and walk
3. Now it's time for plan 3...go to the gym AND have a food life plan.

Oh boy...here I go.

Let's Give Them Something To Talk About

2011-02-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." ~ Steven Wright

B: I've figured it out, we are addicted to our addictions. So, I'm not thinking about life-plans, food, weight, scales, or anything else regarding "that which shall not be mentioned" for the rest of the week. What will we all whine about and compare notes about?

I have decided to dwell on the fact that my face has deep wrinkles. Where did they come from? They are so deep around my mouth... caused by smoking when I was young and stupid... that I have started to play with them unconsciously before it occurs to me that they are wrinkles. When I remember that they are wrinkles of skin and not leftover toothpaste or some grossness to be wiped off, I jump up and grab the cream. The cream is ineffective. I have decided to hell with thinking about wrinkles too.

Let's see, what else do we all have in common that we can chat about.....How about hair? Mine is now a nondescript shade of pinkish-greyish-blondish-blah. It used to be a glorious red. I have decided not to be the 90 year-old woman with red hair, but I can't say that I'm ready to be a 50+ with grey hair either. The salon charges as much as I make in a day at work so I have been visiting the hair color aisle at the grocery store. I go early in the morning so that the aisle is empty, and I won't run into anyone...I don't want anyone to think my pinkish-greyish-blondish-blah hair isn't my natural color of course! Anyway, all the ladies on the boxes are young. At least they aren't 50+ Do these women really need to color their hair? Why are they on the box covers? I think on the back of the boxes they should put real life photos of the women who use their hair color. I want to know how pink-grey-blond my hair really will be when I'm done.

Okay, done obsessing, but at least I went on for an entire two paragraphs without mentioning that which shall not be mentioned!

Ms. M: I shall not mention the aforementioned obsessions in support of my gal pal B. Henceforth and forevermore, all obsessions are banned from the blog.

Wait.....would we even be entertaining without mentioning our issues? I'm not sure. I shall commit, at least momentarily, to not mention the aforementioned obsessions....and I'll skip right to Zumroom.

It's Wednesday which means I had Zumba last night and ballroom tonight. Man....I am workin' to shake my money maker at Zumba. I don't want to admit to eaves dropping, but I did hear something on the street (literally, as I was sitting on the curb waiting for my friends E and L) about our instructor. Oh! And MAJOR side note.....the people talking were a couple of big girls on their way to their car. (Readers, I am probably going to come across as totally the B-Word as my kids would say, and definitely insensitive, but I've got a BEE in my preverbial BONNET.) Anyhoo....these gals headed to their car, AFTER ZUMBA CLASS, which was parked in the disabled parking section. I AM SORRY....(and here is where I become ugly), BUT BEING FAT DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A DISABILITY!!! Shew.....I feel better.

At any rate, these gals (GRRRRR they make me mad) were saying that our instructor has lost (thrown away) 150 lbs. By God, if the Zumba has done that for her, it can certainly do it for me. What do you think, J?

J: I hate to admit this, but I was actually spotted at the local YMCA yesterday afternoon. Don’t tell anyone! One of my new charges would like to visit the Y and play drop-in basketball a few times per week. Maybe this is the secret plan to get me back to the gym.

I can jump in and obsess about anything you want me to obsess about. I hate wrinkles, fat, stretch marks, moles, facial hair and people who talk incessantly about having a life plan AND DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! Wait…that would be me.

This has been another sucky week. Lots of tension in our home in trying to parent two extra children, an adult niece and a volatile, nearly 16 year-old devilette. Why doesn’t Calgon take me away?

Under the heading of New Endeavors, my Italy travel book arrived and is being poured over, one city at a time. I must have something to which I can look forward. Let’s rally and make it a good weekend.

Dancing Madness

2011-02-08T13:42:00.000-08:00

"There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good." ~Edwin Denby

Ms. M: Shew! The first full week of my Zumba-Ballroom (I shall forevermore refer to it as Zumroom) sandwich has come to a close. I mentioned this sandwich to my para, JF, and she said, "Oh...so you do the classes and earn a sandwich? That would be worth a sandwich to me." I had to take a moment to LOL and then compose myself. I reviewed my sandwich analogy (which apparently was poorly constructed) with her and we both agreed that having a sandwich was a good idea.

I'm looking forward to Zumroom next week. In Zumba, the teacher on Tuesdays is HI-LARIOUS. My friend E maintains that she has a booty with its own zip code. I gotta tell ya.....I'm much more inspired to take a class from a gal with curves vs. a super skinny. I'm just sayin'.......

My ballroom instructor said I looked like I had lost some weight. It's a good thing she's not standing over me as I get on the scale each week. I'm not so much losing the weight....it's more of moving it around, I think. I must have been dressed skinny on Wednesday. The scale will be my witness Sunday morning...we'll see if my new Zumroom program is paying off.

So girls....I know B is hangin' in there....carrying on....probably with her ice cleats....but J has been OUT OF CONTROL. She has created an incredibly busy and chaotic schedule for herself...and she has teen daughter borrowing personalities from Three Faces of Eve (classic movie reference) on a regular basis. Readers: WE HAVE GOT TO GET A HOLD OF HER! What advice do you have?

B: I think J. has to get hold of herself. The initial medicinal effect of the food she's been inhaling has got to have taken off the edge of her pain. So now she has to go through withdrawal again. Anybody with an addiction has got to make that initial move for help. Like me, J's addiction is food. I think J. is helping so many others with major trauma and drama, that she has completely lost sight of the need to help herself. She's addicted to food and she's been in crisis for so long maybe she is addicted to adrenalin!

I'm glad you're sticking with dancing, it sounds like you are hooked. I'm hooked on yoga again after a pity party of my own so yes, I'm carrying on.

J: It’s nice just being a fly on the wall while you two talk smack about me. I can talk smack about myself just fine.

Yes, my life and schedule are beyond busy. There isn’t much I can cut out in helping raise my nephews, working full time, supporting Teen Daughter in her one activity (dance). Husband is doing his share too. It is just the way it has to be for now.

What I need to be handling is my self-soothing and/or self-loathing with crappy food. I AM medicating with food, B. It seems to quell the out of control feeling I have about my life right now. Except, does it really? No, it just adds to the self-loathing cycle I have been on most of my life.

For today, I am on my life plan. I have great hope for myself.

Choose Health or Death?

2011-02-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

Ms. M: The jury is still out for me. I'm participating in a Zumba-Ballroom sandwich program. By God if I'm going to HAVE to exercise (J, notice that says HAVE TO), I'm going to find a fun way to do it. So as I dance my way into week two of the sandwich, I'm left wondering.....am I dancing myself to health or an early death?

If you had asked me last night at 8:25, my response would have been easy: One foot in the grave (Zumba class runs from 7:30-8:30), but today I feel great. The only drawback to the class at night is that I seem to have a hard time getting to sleep in a timely fashion. We'll see if that continues to be the case. I'm fairly certain that pure exhaustion will eventually win out.

What do you gals have to contribute?

B: Oh goodness, you must be more coordinated than I am! One Zumba class was all I could manage. Which is not to say I have quit exercising. I am exercising more than I have since high school!

There is no way around it. We lose muscle mass just by aging and I'll be damned if I'm going to dissolve into a puddle of bones, loose skin and fat! The smartest thing I did was turn off the TV. I crave it like I used to crave Hershey bars. They have lots of TVs at the gym.

Exercise is my escape too. I can't let my everyday woes overwhelm me--I refuse to. I've got my share but I'm managing them by going to the gym and yoga. Somehow after huffing and puffing the problems are more manageable.

Ms. M: A gal pal told me that you really have to attend at least 3-4 classes before judging, B. The routines are fast....and they are routines, so it takes a bit of learning. I have a bit of an edge due the ballroom class since many of the steps are either cha cha or salsa, both of which I have learned. I also have a great instructor that says, "Remember, if you can't do a move or just don't plain like it, feel free to improvise." Let me just say...there is quite a bit of improvising going on!

J: I like the sound of a sandwich, Ms. M., but not an exercise sandwich. I am busy dragging my feet, stalling, being resistant, thinking about what I should be doing and exercising my right to just be a slug. I know it is really immature. Sadly, I am feeling really immature, although on paper, I look over-responsible.

Just Plain Ol' Tired

2011-02-02T13:50:00.001-08:00

"It is possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things." ~ Author Unknown

B: I'm tired of thinking about food, avoiding food and worrying about overeating. I have an eating disorder....I'm just not sure that its been identified. At least I haven't got a name for it.....I have an awareness about food that no human being should have. For instance, I know where every store, bakery and coffee shop is within 10 miles of my home in any direction. I know when they open, close and what they bake. I don't think normal people shouldn't know these things. I know how many of each item I can eat before I physically can't hold any more in my stomach.

Normal people don't now those things either. Normal people eat one of something yummy, right? I think normal people even go exercise so they can eat one of something yummy, right? Arrrgh…who am I asking, you're not normal either.

Ms. M: I just heard something on the radio about women thinking about food or food related items every 10 minutes. Can you believe it?! How does that happen to us? No wonder we're a bunch of fatties running around...all we do is think about food! Hey! Not normal? I resemble that remark!!!

I will have you know that Zumba shall commence again tomorrow evening....and again on Thursday. Perhaps this will help to get me out of my funk and closer to normal. What have you got to add, J?

J: I’m in a big time funk. I feel a sense of exhaustion permeate everything I do. I had a great, relaxing weekend with the girls, but inevitably I have to come home and face the real world. Luckily, this time, when I arrived home my granddaughter was there to greet me. She rocks my whole world—I just love her so much. When everything else around me is falling to pieces, just one sniff, one snuggle, one smooch and I am okay again.

The little boys are good, however, Teen Daughter and Husband are behaving badly. Work is good. My home is a wreck…still, and I have no motivation to diet or exercise. I want to shake off these doldrums and find my old cheerful self. Please don’t tell me to go shake my tail at Zumba. I just can’t right now.

Good Intentions

2011-01-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

J: I have had a horrible food day. Junk, junk and more junk. I do not feel the slightest bit motivated to make different choices and seem to be revelling in self (and other) loathing.

This has been a really tough week with Teen Daughter. She has been on emotional highs and lows all week, lashing out at everyone, but mostly me first, and Daddy second. School work, home work, boys, grades, her impending 16th birthday, dance class....everything is high drama. I know that part of her "work" is to separate from us, but, really??? Did I mention her new nickname is Frankenstein, or Frank for short?

I am not feeling very good about myself. My energy is low and so is my patience. My work load has doubled at home and the dishes and laundry I couldn't get done when there were only three of us, has compounded with the addition of the boys. Am I in over my head? Most likely, but it was still the "right" thing to do. Doesn't love overcome everything?

I have a girls weekend ahead (no scrapbooking this time). I have been touting this as a "Women's Wellness Weekend" but the only wellness is going to come from a long draw on a short Irish Cream on the rocks. Maybe a beach fire and definitely some trashy magazine reading.

B: Dang I envy you your Wellness Weekends. No Ms. M, I don't want to trade my life for either of yours, but I would like to be able to slurp drinks in front of a beach fire with friends.

And before either of you makes comments like "the grass is always greener ....... yes, the grass IS greener there....no really. My daughter was just on Skype with me from your fair state where the grass is ALWAYS greener than here. The grass is green, the trees are green and I am green with envy. Here it is white, and grey and shades of grey and white....blah!

You asked if you were in over your head J. Yes, you are. If you think about swimming though, and lately that is all I think about, when you're over your head, all you can do is keep swimming. Or in your case if you aren't making any headway then just float and keep your head above water. Pretty soon the coast guard will come and rescue you. I'm not sure who the coast guard will turn out to be but when he shows up let me know.

Ms. M: Something has got to give, J...and it's not reporting 1000 calories by 9:00 am. I know your life is hectic and I KNOW living with a teen is no fun, but this all seems to be coming at a cost for you.

I'm not sure how to inspire you to get back on track, as I'm feeling very bleh myself. I am holding myself (and my friend E is holding me too) to attending two Zumba classes this week with a bit of ballroom in between. If I can't seem to get a handle on my emotional state with regards to my food, then at the very least I can get my arse a movin'!

J: Under the category of New Endeavors, I crocheted my first hat, for baby Lily. I'm a rock star!

Big Fat Liar

2011-01-28T13:37:00.001-08:00

"We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." ~Tad Williams

J: I weighed in this morning...minus 6.0 pounds. Yoyo yoyo yoyo yoyo, up/down, up/down. I am beginning to get seasick from all the up and down action on the scale. Feel flat, flabby, and flawed. Jiggly, jiggly stomach.

I do not like how my clothes are fitting and wonder why I don't think about the consequences of my actions when I am choosing poorly and overeating or eating a bunch of crap? And not days later when I can't get something buttoned? I think there is a huge disconnected-something in my brain between putting food in my mouth and assessing my body later. A fat time warp, of sorts. I also feel lacking in achieving a New Endeavor and am stumped about adding something to my life for me...something fun, something to which I can look forward. Something, besides perpetual parenting, full-time work and house chores.

B: Is there anybody nearby with a pair of scissors...cut the yoyo string for her please! A few blogs ago we discussed goal setting....and the steps to get yourself there. May I remind you of your actions steps to achieve your goal of throwing away 40 pounds: a) Record in food journal daily, b) Limit calories to 1,700 per day, c) Blog 3x per week, d) keep moving, e) check in with B and Ms. M.

Have you followed through with these action steps? Your second goal was getting yourself to Italy. Have you purchased your guidebook? Do it and post a picture of the guidebook under our New Endeavor heading.

For me, the sadness of empty nesting is lifting slowly. I didn't eat myself out of my clothes because I gave away all my Dockers and button up shirts, but I was beyond tempted.

J: Gee, this kind of makes me look like a big fat liar. What is wrong with me?

Ms. M: Yo! I have been remiss with my responsibilities as of late. My blog entries are not completed in a timely manner (sorry girls) and I just realized that I've missed TWO student loan payments. Yikes! So....I have finally weeded my way through Sallie Mae and Direct Loans...hopefully the two of them can meet in the middle and square me away.

I'm sitting at my computer and blogging....so I guess all is trying to be right in my world. I went to Zumba to shake my money maker and let me tell ya girls...there was a whole lot of shakin' goin' on...I saw thighs, and butts, and boobs, and bellies.....need I say more? The great thing is that I really am learning the ballroom stuff. How do I know this? Well, many of the steps in Zumba were either a cha cha or a salsa. OLE! Despite my abs screaming out in protest during the class...and in agony now, the class was a hoot. The best part was that my friend E and I weren't the worst ones there!

My food is waayy better than it was, but not quite where it should be. One step at a time, baby....that would be one step AWAY from the 4 handfuls of M&Ms, right J?!

The Neighbor's Grass Sure Looks Greener!

2011-01-25T13:53:00.001-08:00

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." ~Harold Coffin

J: Teen Daughter slammed the door and left for her summer job "interview". She has applied to be a counselor at the summer camp she attends every summer. It is always something with her these days. Today it was the trap of "how do I look" and then immediately having a melt down when I opened my mouth to comment. I know better. It's a no-win situation. I KNOW I am supposed to answer any of her questions with a question..."What do YOU think?". I always get sucked in to her black hole of teenagehood. I liken raising a teen daughter to being a defensive tackle on a losing football team. No good can come of this.

Then, let's mention Husband and his reaction to my girl weekend recently. "Yes, go...have a good time. I've got everything handled. No, no, no, don't cancel, I want you to go. Have fun." Or something like that. The part he left out was "I am going to seek revenge and punish you for leaving me with Teen Daughter, Adult Niece, 2 great nephews, 3 dogs and a partridge in a pear tree AND I do EVERYTHING around here." OMG!

Last night was a veritable three-ring circus: Son & DIL left grandbaby with us for over two hours (our first chance to babysit unsupervised). Again, all of the above mentioned people were home, PLUS a teenage boy and a car (with a classless bumper sticker) and 3 of Teen Daughter's friends. There is NOT ENOUGH room for all of us here. I am going out of my mind.

This morning was marked by Husband bringing home my fat-free creamer (he loves me) and two dozen doughnuts (he loves me FAT). Then he made French toast too.

Calgon...take me away!!!

B: I know you're trying to make me feel better by describing a hectic household full of people and their problems but all I can see in your post here is that you have people around you who love you. Teen daughter, husband, son & family, friends, niece and nephews. I want it back! I want to click the heels of my ruby red slippers and go home!

My daughter, granddaughter and sil don't leave for another month to fly across the US where they will be stationed but the sadness has been overwhelming and debilitating. It remains to be seen whether I will self medicate for this pain with chocolate or drugs. The initial shock was soothed with food but I have regained control for the moment and am eating on plan and even went to the gym for some mindless TV.

Ms. M: Wow...I don't even know where to begin to comment. You gals both have very different issues and yet it's almost as if you would like to have those issues...only swapped. Life seems to be going along swimmingly here, though I am still completely interested in a life plan. Zumba on Tuesday...I'll let you know how that goes.

Sorry that things seem so out of control for you girls. How can I help?

B: Nope, I decided I don't want J's issues either. Today is a better day. New white snow covering the dirty, icy ground and daylight increasing every day. I am on track with eating and have emotional control...at least for the moment.

Fat Heads

2011-01-22T06:48:00.001-08:00

"A narrow mind and a fat head invariably come on the same person." ~ Zig Ziglar

B: I haven't changed at all. All I want to do is eat. Preferably chocolate. Preferably carbs with chocolate attached.

I am so incredibly sad I can't shake it. I have been so happy lately that I forgot what sad felt like. Now I remember. My daughter and granddaughter are moving to the opposite end of the United States. How will I survive the loneliness?

J: I really have no words to comfort you, except that I know from experience that eating chocolate and/or overeating is not going to make your problem go away--it will only compound your troubles.

You are the one that constantly reminds us that while your body is slim, your brain is still fat, a dilemma I have not faced yet because I can't shake the rest of my lard because my brain too, is fat. I am afraid my brain will always be fat, stretched like my stomach and unable to shrink to a normal person's size.

How about a shift in focus? What New Endeavors are you going to dip in to this year? I haven't come up with any for me, but my house is overflowing with people and challenges and work and there doesn't seem to be too much time, money or energy leftover.

Any ideas, Ms. M?

Ms. M: Well....a girlfriend asked me to take a Zumba class with her. I'll be trying that next Tuesday. I'll let you know how it goes...I'm not promising greatness.

I think that none of us are without struggle right now. I too, have found it difficult to "dig deep" and "remain positive". Perhaps we should put our readers on the spot. We are struggling, dear readers. What say ye?

New Endeavors

2011-01-18T06:07:00.001-08:00

"If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." ~John A. Simone, Sr.

J: I feel a little blue today, a little lost. I had a great time with the gals over the scrapbooking weekend and managed to finish 48 pages for my daughter's scrapbook. However, I have been on an eating roll and feel fat, jiggly, and a little depressed about my life/life plan.

I weighed myself this morning. I weigh 248.2 pounds-- a gain of 9.6 pounds in a week. I know part of it is water retention due to increased sodium, but a bigger part of it is fat gainage. Worse than the added pounds, is how I feel about myself while I am shoving food into my mouth and wondering why I cope this way.

I have fallen away from my life plan, have lost my mojo for getting healthy and I fear I will not be able to turn this big fatass ship around. Now, I know B is going to bitch at me and tell me I need to jump on her bandwagon. Ms. M doesn't have a whole lot to add, since she was alongside me all weekend, but in her defense I did get a few raised (pencilled in) eyebrows whilst I unwrapped old, dead Christmas candy and tossed it into my mouth.

I feel down. I feel beat up. I feel tired. I feel a little hopeless about it all.

Ms. M: Well, despite the weekend of snacks that I participated in, I threw away .8 lbs. No, it's not a lot, but at this juncture, I'll take anything. There has been A LOT going on for me. This is not an excuse...simply a statement. Somewhere I need to find inside me that spark that I had a year ago.

Last week was our first dance class of this "term". It was lots of fun....a great way to get some exercise, and we're found that we remembered much of what we learned in the last class. When we're feeling a bit more confident, we are planning to go out dancing...not the ung ch, ung ch, ung, ch kind of dancing.....we're too old for that, but somewhere that offers a variety of music where we can practice our moves.

B: What the hell is a bandwagon? I am not going to beat you up, it sounds like you are doing enough of that for yourself! Stop it! You are my oldest and dearest friend, no one gets to beat up my buddies! I am however, going to ignore your weekend behavior and so I turn to Ms. M and say, "Congratulations"!

I am still envious of the dancing! What kind of dancing are you doing? Salsa? Rhumba? Hip hop? Have someone take a photo next class so we can publish it on the blog under the heading of New Endeavors (sounds like a battleship doesn't it?)

I have proven myself totally inept at most dancing yet again. The Zumba debacle wasn't enough to tell me that I have no rhythm. I attempted to "dance-battle" (Wii game) at my daughters' house last night with a room full of young people, very nimble young people. Even the fake little people in the background of the game (are they called avatars) were shaking their heads.

J: Here! Here! Let's give it up for New Endeavors! Great idea, B. Bring it on.

Follow The Yellow Brick Road

2011-01-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

“Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, there's no place like home.” ~ Glenda, the Good Witch

J: I read my coffee grounds this morning and the forecast says "life will be crazy, chaotic, busy and difficult". Tell me something new! Like a wild trip to the Emerald City. Wait...I already live in the Emerald City.

Yesterday was my 12-hour Papa day and today is Teen Daughter's first Irish dance performance. Tomorrow brings an early get-up, dropping little guy off at day care, taking medium guy to his new elementary school, then me back home for a doctor's appointment. In the afternoon, it's everything in reverse, make dinner for five and get ready for Tuesday, when I have to work all day too. I'm tired just thinking about it all.

Luckily, in reality, all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other and march along, with an eye to any hazards in the way. Thinking about the life plan seems impossible. I know being prepared, shopping, bringing snacks and food to work and planning out healthy family dinners will help. I just don't know when I will fit all that in. Everybody's laundry is stacking up and the refrigerator is slowly getting empty. Am I in over my head? I hope not, especially for the boys' sake. Next weekend is a scrapbook weekend and I feel some guilt about leaving Husband for three days, but I will persevere. He has said that he is okay with it, but I always expect to get punished later. We'll see.

Ms. M: Okay...this is going to be a very brief contribution. I missed the last one, I believe, due to being at a fabulous women's retreat. The phone rang at 4:30 this morning and we got news that husband's mother passed away. Geez.....right after J had to struggle, here we go again. My weight was up this week....not good choices at the retreat....but J cut me a little slack due to my somewhat fragile state. Scrapping this weekend and I CAN'T WAIT.

B: I am sorry about your loss, Ms. M. Be sure to take time to take care of yourself.

Now...where am I? Oz? The wind is blowing 80 mph, I'm about to have a tree fall on my house, my dog's toenail is ripped off and I'm worried about the fact that I turned my TV off? Yes!!!! A little down time...tube time...ozoning in front of commercials is just what I need right now! Hey, I haven't cancelled the gym membership yet, they have television sets right in front of the treadmills, I'm off to the gym!

J: I am also sorry about your MIL passing away, Ms. M.--death sucks for those of us left behind.

I am laughing here at B...which one of us is the wicked witch?

Change of Plans

2011-01-09T08:57:00.001-08:00

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family... in another city." ~ George Burns

J: You know the old adage "life is what happens when you are making other plans"? That's my line. We just added two boys, 5 and 12, to our family.

Remember? The family that was dwindling down from four children to one and the empty nest that had been spotted on the horizon? Nuh uh. Well, thanks to yet another J family crisis, we will be raising these sweet little family members for a while, time frame undetermined. And they are wonderful boys...they just picked some immature parents.

So Husband and I, with our silly thoughts of daycare, kindergarten and more sports practices and events gone from our lives forever, will just pick up where we left off and keep moving. Do I worry about the impact on my life plan? Hell yes. Because more kids means more stress and more stress means less self-care.

But I come from a mother whose motto was "Onward and Upward" I know I can rise up to meet these challenges and I can reign. Can't I?

B: Ahhhh J. I thought you could read between my lines: empty nest is not all that it's cracked up to be.

A friend of mine told me that after her kids were out of the nest she was in a daze just picking up feathers...imagine how many feathers you would have to pick up once your brood leaves the next. It is bitter and not so sweet!

I have to go visit my granddaughter or nephews when I want a kid fix, which is turning out to be more often than I imagined. You and your husband are stellar! Life plans are just that, plans. Plans are always subject to change and yours just changed for the better.

Since our communications are often centered around our own journey to health, let me remind you that those boys need to learn healthy habits too. Partner with your husband and teen-daughter and recommit to health. Do not bring junk food and other food toxicity into your home. They also obviously need you, running at full power mentally and physically. You will continue your health journey and you will continue to shed pounds.

Congratulations on your new brood friend!

Note: Ms. M has flown the coop for the weekend--will return next week.

If It's Not Working...Try Something Else

2011-01-06T17:28:00.000-08:00

“The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully have been kindness, beauty, and truth”. ~Albert Einstein

Ms. M: Well, I've been here before. It's January, "Happy New Year~you're fat”. Husband is pressuring me to pick up with Gym again. I hate Gym. My food is okay, though it's going to take me some time to get back into the habit of recording my calories. You know what they say....old fat chicks...something about new tricks..... What say ye?

B: I have done something drastic. I turned off my TV. I had cable disconnected and returned the box. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision but it will be ok. Upside; no commercials to eat during, I can rearrange the furniture any way I want, no cable bill ($ will be better spent on travel to scuba dive), and I won't have to try to hurry home from yoga in time to see who is booted off Dancing without Stars. Downside; there is a hole in my living room where the TV was, (what do people do in their living rooms if not watch TV?).

I'm doing another drastic thing tonight...Zumba. Don't ask me what it is, it's a class at the gym where I am determined to get my money's worth of classes. I hope it takes no coordination because the only coordination I usuall muster is to flop on the couch, which previously was in front of the TV, and watch other people dance. My couch is pointed at a blank corner now...so I will march myself off to Zumba and hope I don't get booted off.

J: Arghhhhhh….two topics I am NOT in the least interested in discussing!

1. Gym—I paid for a membership for 2010 and went a handful of times. Worked out to cost about $200 per visit. Gym Nazi has made some huge changes in her personal life and no longer harangues me to go work out. Apparently I have no self-discipline. Not sure if I want to keep paying for nothing.

2. TV—I love TV. Husband and I ditched the television for about seven years when the kids were little and it was awesome. We played games, cards, spent time reading and talking. Now we practically have a set in every room. I watch the news, Modern Family, and all the junk I can watch on TLC and the Style Channel. On New Year’s eve I actually picked up a book, because there wasn’t a television available at my sister’s house. If I get rid of the TV, my Amazon.com bill will increase due to book purchases and will suck up the money I will save my ditching the gym membership.

Ms. M: Books are good, though just like TV, you're still sitting around. I hate to admit it, but I don't know that I could survive without TV. I think it comes from a childhood of limited TV....and the stations I had growing up were all Canadian. Finished out the day at 1700 calories. Things are looking up already in 2011.

B: I have been to Zumba and survived the cut--only because I'm paying the gym to be there. My Zumba talent is limited. I can't shake my booty. I jiggle really well, but shake...not so much. I had to admire the lady teaching the class, which is to say I watched her butt most of the class. She doesn't just shake on cue, she can also pop her butt. I know it's called popping because a much younger teacher at my school was trying to teach me how to do it yesterday. We frightened several children.

It's all about core strength so that lets me out. Trying to get my arms and legs following a Latin beat dance pattern was also a problem. I am sure I looked like a starfish having a seizure most of the class. I also lost track of the steps a lot as I glanced toward the side windows to make sure there were no gawkers or paparazzi documenting (laughing at) my Zumba poppin'-jigglin' butt. I'm going to try again Friday...stay away from the windows.

G.O.A.L.S. (Get Out And Live Sister)

2011-01-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

"If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else." ~ Yogi Berra

B: Ok, we have set our goals. There are three steps to making goals a reality...we kind of went back-asswards but then that's who we are.

The first thing to do is state our current reality...then our goal...then actions steps to accomplish the goal. Let's take this one goal at a time. Here I go:

Current reality: Gained 5 pounds during vacation eating unhealthy food in massive quantities.

Goal: 1. Maintain healthy weight while learning to eat normal foods in correct portions

Action Steps: 1) Lose 5 pounds by getting back on my program. 2) Keep the healthy weight steady for 1 month by sticking to program. 3) Reintroduce foods in this order; fruit, dairy, grains. 4) exercise 3 or more days each week.

Give it a try ladies, it cements the plan rather than having a far off goal with no defined way of achieving it.

J: Hmmm...let me give it a try...

Current Reality I: Weigh-in tomorrow morning...thinking I am up 10 pounds since last weigh in (just a hunch!)

Goal I: Throw away 40 pounds this year.

Action Steps I: a) Record in food journal daily, b) Limit calories to 1,700 per day, c) Blog 3x per week, d) keep moving, e) check in with B and Ms. M

Current Reality II: Want to travel to Italy in 2012

Goal II: Save money, start research

Action Steps II: a) Open new savings account just for trip, b) purchase “Italy 2011” guidebook, c) research travel options on internet

Ms. M: I'm feeling a little pressure here.....

Current Reality I: I'm not as fat as I was when I started this journey, and I'm not as thin as I was in September.

Goal I: Throw away the 10 lbs. I recycled plus an additional 40.Action Steps I: a) Start caring again, b) Keep track of calories again...maybe in my new phone (it's smarter than me ya know), c) Follow the guidelines set forth by the Blog Police, and d) get some regular exercising into my week.

Stay the Course

2011-01-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

“Every day you spend drifting away from your goals is a waste not only of that day, but also of the additional day it takes to regain lost ground”. ~ Ralph Marston

J: My brain is all twisted in a knot when I reflect how successfully B set a goal in 2010 and made it happen, wait... two goals/two successes. She started out last year to throw away all of her extra weight, which she did, and she wanted to learn how to scuba dive and get certified, which she also accomplished. WAY TO GO, B!

I am feeling like I need to set a couple goals for 2011 and work fiendishly to make them happen. I need your support.

J's Mission for 2011

1) Throw away 40 pounds

2) Kick off my 2012 Italy Trip

Obviously there will be many steps in making both of these happen. There will be NO other resolutions for the New Year, except to be more loving to my family and friends and to have a belly laugh every day.

What are your plans for 2011?

Ms. M: I feel some goal setting and a list coming on....Well...Let's see......

1) I have to throw away the 10 lbs that I've recycled over the last two months to start with. I also want to throw away an additional 40 this year... preferably by the time I head out for my second mission trip at the end of July.

2) Finally get that baby (I hope) that we've been waiting for.

I mailed the check for ballroom, part deux. Husband has really gotten into it, and it's an excellent way to get some exercise in....I haven't been seeing Gym for quite some time....this kind of went hand in hand with the "not caring" attitude of November and December.

Now that you're a scuba skinny, what's next on your agenda, B?

B: I heard somebody else speak about goal setting last week and so your mention of it now is confirmation that it is important.

I have 2 short-term (this year) goals and one that will take a bit longer to achieve.

1) Maintain my current weight while learning to eat "normal" foods in the correct portions.

2) Scuba dive somewhere new to me (in a tropical location). I'll leave the long-term goal for another blog.

Same Fat Girls, New Year

2010-12-31T10:39:00.000-08:00

B: How is it possible that when we work so long and so hard to get rid of weight, it can pile back on in the blink of an eye?

My vacation was marvelous. I am now a certified scuba diver with eight dives in my logbook! I swam within arms reach of turtles, heard whales bellowing and calling to me under the sea, saw a shark about 20 feet away and clouds of tropical fish. I came to the surface bubbling over with excitement, and a kind of power after each dive. I am very proud of myself for overcoming my fears and limitations and learning this new and exciting thing.

My freckles have popped. My lungs still have fresh air in them that blew in straight from the ocean. My feet are toughened from walking barefoot. Every bit of my vacation was fabulous....except for sticking to my food plan. My fat girl brain pushed aside the little skinny girl that had emerged. I gained 4.75 pounds.

I am back to my home and routine now so there will be no more gains.

Hold me accountable, girls, I feel as though I 'm back to the beginning.

J: I am so happy that you had such a great time. And I am proud of you for stating your goal (scuba certification) and following it through to completion. You set the standard for the rest of us fat girls for this next year. I want to set a goal and make it happen too.

Life at the farm is crazier than ever. We have had our two great nephews (ages 5 and 23) for two weeks and while it makes life a little more complicated, we have had lots of fun. They have been in foster care for two months, so we took them for an “extended visit” and our goal was to just love them to death and let them enjoy their vacation. In a strange twist, it has made our marriage stronger and we have regressed to oddities like sitting around the dinner table for meals and playing card games and puzzles after dinner. They leave on Sunday and I imagine a great big hole in our life after they are gone. Unsure if they will be back to live with us for good. Holding pattern.

Grandbaby girl is a doll and I have enjoyed every minute spent with this precious gift. I am hoping for a visit today.

Food and plan have been thrown out the window, but are never far from my mind. I will weigh in on Monday as usual, and start the clock ticking again for 2011. Happy New Year everyone!

B: I'm bored already. I returned from paradise to find out that your life had unraveled, J. I can't possibly brag about my trip anymore. I can't whine about gaining 4+ pounds because even that seems petty. Can I at least whine that now I am bored, depressed, wandering aimlessly and without direction?

Ms. M: It's New Year's eve and I'm being hounded for a blog entry? Really?! J, did you make a plan for wild kingdom this evening as you head off to the penthouse? I'm off to a fun evening of sin.....the casino. I've dressed up and am in my new jeans....LOVE my new jeans. The holidays were rough....I recycled some weight, and I'm now facing forward and looking towards the new year.

I don't have scuba certification (nor would I be remotely close to a scuba skinny) and I don't have a grandbaby. Here's to hoping that the new year brings our baby to us so I have more interesting information to contribute to the blog. Perhaps this will spur less complaining as well....hmmmmmm......

Girls, I love ya! Here's my toast to us....Salut!

8888888

2010-12-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

J: Dear Blog Readers: I am impatiently waiting for B and Ms. M to rejoin blogland and help me throw some new posts up. Here's what I know...

I 8 and 8 and 8 and 8 and 8 and 8 and 8 all throughout this holiday season and it didn't do me one bit of good. At the end of the day my brother is still dead, my great nephews are still placed in our home while their parents get their act together and I continue to parcel out piece after piece of me to serve others (dad, brothers, daughter, etc). You want a piece of me? Ha...there is nothing left.

I do enjoy my two weeks off and I have some scrapbook time planned later in the week, but overall this has been a dismal time. Overeating hasn't done one lick of good.

I am trying to pull myself up by my boot straps, dust myself off and renew my interest, energy and resources into taking care of myself this next year. I am not trying to kid you or me...this is hard, hard work. Losing weight just seems so miniscule compared to the rest of the hurdles I am jumping right now.

I feel old, tired and worn out. Husband has promised me an adults-only trip this spring. It can't come soon enough.

Hope you are finding your way to health and happiness.

What is on the Horizon for the Fat Girls?

2010-12-20T09:55:00.000-08:00

J: I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. In the last month, at least three major life events have registered on my Richter scale, including birth, death and an extended family issue of epic proportion. Like my mother before me, I keep trudging along. I keep my priorities in front of me and continue with one foot in front of the other...right, left, right, left. But frankly, I'm not having that much fun.

Last year at this time, I had surgery on both feet and was horizontal for most of the "season". I was really looking forward to Christmas this year, especially with a new grandbaby. The holiday festivities have been moved to the back burner and I'm not sure when/if I will get to them. I really would like to move Christmas to July, when I have lots of time off, the weather is nice, and my family is not falling apart. Oh well, no one has really asked me what I want. It's not about me.

It has been nearly a year on the life plan. I have thrown away 50 pounds and changed many of my evil ways. As I renew my interest, energy, hope and dedication to my life plan for this next year I hope to spend time with the fat girls taking umbrage and celebrating our successes and continuing to encourage and support each other through all of life's challenges.

Ms. M: Wow. This draft blog had the date of December 15th on it, and I'm just making my way to it. As Christmas is approaching, I'm reminded of all that is great--about my fellow girls in umbrage and myself.

One of us has made it to goal (Nice job, B) and is now certifiable....er I mean certified as a scuba skinny. One of us has had a really, really, really tough December and has still managed to keep off the 50 lbs thrown away (Nice job, J), and one of us has thrown away 25 lbs and continues to recycle five of those (get your butt in gear, Ms. M) thrown away lbs.

Regardless of our status....in life.....and in weight.....we've got each other. I am honored to call these gals my friends, my confidants, and my harassers. Here's to the other two of us reaching our goal of a skinnier, healthier lifestyle in 2011

Note: B is in Hawaii, suffering through great weather, scuba diving, grandbaby time, and fun & games. Her return to blogland is imminent.

I Lost More Than I Have Gained

2010-12-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

J: I gained nearly six pounds in the last two weeks. Oh yawn.

I lost another brother to cancer last week. Ohmygod!

There is nothing like the loss of a loved one......wait, there really isn't anything like the loss of a loved one.

It stinks.

It hurts.

I want my brother back.

I want more time, more experiences, more stories.

If something is really life or death, it matters. The rest falls away in petty waves of insignificance.

My Teen Daughter cried because I wouldn't drop everything and go to the convenience store to buy her gum.

I cried because I watched my ancient, fragile father (once a big and bold warrior) gently hold my brother's hand as he lay dying, and sobbed "My boy! My boy!"

I cried because I had to help make the decision to withdraw life support from my 63 year old brother's body.

I cried because I knew his spirit had already hit the road.

Take care of your self and tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Do it now. Do it often.

2010-12-09T11:49:00.000-08:00

Due to a death in J's family, the three fat girls are on hiatus and not taking umbrage at this time. Peace be with all of you.

Battle of the Bulge - Who's Winning?

2010-12-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

"To conquer oneself is a greater victory than to conquer thousands in a battle." ~ Buddha

J: Can I get some partial credit? My co-worker beckoned me into the staff room this morning (after I so boldly boasted to Ms. M this morning that I would just stay out of the staff room on treat days). She wanted me to try the low-cal, healthy salsa that someone had brought in.

Yes, I tried it. Yes, it was good. So...the truth here...I ate 6 crackers, 2 slices of pastrami, a slice of cheese, a small piece of peppermint bark (it wasn't that good) and 4 teaspoons of the salsa. Was I naughty? Yes. Could I have done better? Yes. But, could I have done worse? Yes. To have this be a lesson learned, I need to gently coach my co-worker that I don't need a special invitation into the den of inequity.

I have done so much better on my life plan this week, although I haven't been using the food journal--not sure why. I'm dying to jump on Ms. Scale, but I'm trying to hold back until weigh day.

Thinking ahead to Christmas and New Year's and the food traps I usually fall into. Can I practice damage control and keep things in check? HELL yes.

B: There you are! I knew the positive J would rejoin the battle soon. You are so right, you could have done better, but wow, you did great!

Can I have the email address of all your co-workers? I’ll let them know that food is an addiction for you. Like any alcoholic knows where the closest liquor store is and the most out of the way liquor store is...we know where the food is! Would those same people lead an alcoholic through a liquor store to the soda pop or water? Let's hope not!

Ms. M: I'm in the midst of not caring about much....yeah, yeah....J has already told me to get with it and start caring, but I'm just not there yet. I am however taking some time to blog since I don't want to get my ass chewed. Sadly....this is my contribution.

We've Got Trouble

2010-12-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

"Difficulties exist to be surmounted." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

B: I am celebrating my success tonight. I went to my cousin's 50th birthday party. I ate before I went and drank Diet Pepsi while I was there, all part of my plan. I had a great evening and stayed on my plan!

The party was in a bar about 20 miles beyond where I live. Picture Alaskan bar, dead animals and fish hanging all over the walls, Christmas decorations, food and birthday cake. Are kids allowed in bars in Washington? Well, there were probably 10 kids in this one, sucking up 2nd hand smoke with the rest of us (that part was nasty).

Staying on my plan was made easier by the way I was greeted upon walking in...two of my cousins whom I haven't seen for a year did double takes when they saw me… could tell they didn't know who I was at first and then they proceeded to rave on and on about how great I looked! It felt so good. And that was my line, "I feel good".

Ladies, please, revisit your own plans. Health was my number one reason for losing weight...what's yours?

J: THAT is a nice story. As always I am in awe of your resolve…you set your mind to something and then make it happen. Great job navigating the tricks and traps of a special birthday party. And how awesome to have family not recognize you because you have lost so much weight?

I would reluctantly agree that health is probably the number one reason I am living a new life plan, but it would be dishonest of me if I didn’t admit that I just want to sport a smaller silhouette and to wear frickin’ smaller, cuter clothes off the rack.

I’m not sure how you do it, B. I start every day (okay, this does not include the three days before, the day of, and three days after Thanksgiving—no excuses!) with the best of intentions and my breakfast, lunch and snacks packed to go with me to work. Then it all goes to hell in a hand-basket.

I have struggled terribly, lately, with the staff room treats and Husband’s wish to keep me supplied with treats and food 24x7. This may sound awfully whiney, but this time of year seems harder than the first ten months of the year.

Chime in, Ms. M?

Ms. M: I don't know how many times or how many different ways I can say it, J, STAY OUT OF THE FRICKIN' STAFF ROOM! Now this is not to say that I'm without my own struggles and issues, but at least I know better then to go into that den of temptation. My plan is also at a standstill ....and again.....I don't seem to care. I'm tired of complaining though, so I'm prepared to stop. I know what needs to be done, I just need to be motivated to do it.

My new goal for the next few weeks as we get into what is supposed to be deemed as "The most wonderful time of the year" (this sentiment does not hold true for anyone on a life plan, as there's food....and crappy food.....everywhere), is to either maintain or throw away. I did all of my recycling over Thanksgiving.

Get Off My Donkey!

2010-11-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children." ~George Bernard Shaw

J: Recently on the news I heard a report about an "elderly" woman that lost her house to a fire. Now I ask you...What makes you "elderly"?

–adjective

1. somewhat old; near old age: a resort for elderly people.

2. of or pertaining to persons in later life.

Now that the grease fest is over, I need to get back to the business of taking care of this elderly body. Back to keeping my food journal, cutting the calories to about 1800 per day. Not just paying for the gym membership, BUT ACTUALLY GOING TO THE GYM. Blogging more regularly (pay attention B and Ms. M!).

Although I slipped into coma land and shoveled lots of poor choices into my gob over the turkey weekend debacle, I want to feel good, I want to look good, I want to BE good.

What do you got, girls?

Ms. M: Your snarky, "Pay attention" can gracefully STEP OFF. I get it. I've been remiss in my blogging efforts as of late, but I hate to break it to you....this is NOT my only commitment in life. Yes it's important, but so are other things, so my occasional lack of input could get a break ONCE IN AWHILE.

Husband just mentioned to me that he'd like to get back to the gym. He's not feeling well lately, and I think some of this feeling it has to do with his weight. I'm not looking forward to Gym. I'm not really looking forward to much of anything right now....the holidays and the food that goes along with it are looming. B, you must have something more positive to impress upon our dear readers!

B: A friend of mine sent me this to help me get through what's left of 2010. I think it is good advice.

Only a couple more big days to make it through the holiday season: Christmas, New Years and possibly a party or two. Here’s a thought: There are 156 meals (6 small meals each day) from now through Christmas Day, 192 meals left in 2010. If you are thinking about putting your program on hold, just how many of those meals are you planning to eat off-plan? Is it worth the slide? Do you have a strategy for getting back into the routine?

I have now slipped....pie. I have no intention of slipping again. It is harder to avoid pie after eating some. My plan is firm again. Nothing is worth going back up in clothing sizes, or having a painful hip or feeling less than healthy. Nothing!

I suggest you rethink your priorities. Revisit why you lost all the weight you did over the last year and get firm in your plan. Write it down for us to read. Why do you want health? How are you going to achieve it. Forget about all the excuses you can come up with and think only of the reasons you want to succeed. Top of the list might be to get me off your ass!

Caution: Thanksgiving Report Ahead

2010-11-28T07:02:00.000-08:00

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

B: I've heard a lot of numbers thrown around during the last week regarding the calorie consumption, we Americans, with more fat than brains, scarf down during this one day holiday. The conservative side says 3,000. The other side is ....gulp.....7,000. I know that on previous Thanksgivings I was on the 7,000 side. I am not going to think about or mention the foods that made up my 7,000, but what I am going to think about is the way I felt after those 7,000 were in me. Fat, slovenly, tired, barfy, and ill.

Now to the plan. As I've said in many blogs, I am a carboholic so I'm going to make sure that I have my favorite non-carboholic foods and beverages at my daughter's house where I will be enjoying the company of family and friends. Will I overeat...probably, but my extra calories will come in the form of turkey, vegetables and fruit.

Friends, you must have a plan other than "I'll skip all my meals and just eat the big one". Or "I'm just going to eat what I want, it's only one day". Please, plan, avoid the holiday feeding frenzy. We don't have to be pigs at a trough!

J: Now that the holiday is over, how did that work for you B? How was your weekend Ms. M?

My reflections on Thanksgiving… due to snow days, the 4-day weekend turned into a 6-day weekend, with lots of family time. In addition to the usual fare, there was lots of contraband foods brought into our house over this long weekend, including the four-dozen Krispy Crème doughnuts that Husband brought home.

We had dinner for 18, with multiple food temptations and challenges and lots of family and friends. Husband has been on his best behavior, but I notice when we are getting along, he feeds me (and it’s not fruits and vegetables). When I pointed this out to him, he admitted he wasn’t trying to feed me, but rather take care of me. I suggested he find some other ways to take care of me that don’t involve food and eating out. I guess I need to take my own advice.

Whilst making Turkey Dinner, I prepared the green bean casserole and succumbed to the most stupid food I can think of….canned French fried onions. I haven’t ever given them the time of day, yet I found myself shoveling handfuls into my mouth. I think I ate half of the can. Not EVEN in my top 1,000 foods that I like. What a waste!

To be honest, I didn’t try at all to temper my eating or utilize the tools that have helped me throw weight away this year. I have been really out of control for a couple of weeks. I have maintained my weight loss, but have not made any substantial weight loss headway since July. I hope I am not a lost cause and want to regain my prior mindset that helped me to lose weight and to take better care of myself.

I did get lots of time with family and most importantly, long bouts of grandbaby holding time.

B: I was fine until the pie came out. Why? I purposefully started doing the mound of dishes to avoid it. Then I gave in. Why? One taste wasn't enough, 2 bites were not enough. I still have a fat girl brain. I STILL do not have the brain of a skinny girl. Remember J. early on when we started this blog we were wondering how skinny girls think? I may be 75 pounds lighter one year later, but my brain is still fat.

I am tapping into my power though and not giving in to the leftover pie. It's there, it's right there, I want it! Pie or something like it will always be nearby, but I will not give in. I am going to remain healthy and pie IS NOT PART OF MY PLAN.

One night of wild abandon will not make me regain even 1 pound.

Ms. M: I met with the scale this morning. She rated me low. I have recycled 4.4 lbs. this week. I'm not so sure that snow days are a good thing. Too much time left to my own devices clearly does not bode well for me. As we head into the eating nightmare known as Christmas, I'm packing my favorite stuffed animal and a night light.

Thanksgiving with my parents was good....I sent most of the leftovers home with them....which is a step in the right direction.

We Are Thankful That Tofurkey Is NOT On The Menu

2010-11-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all of you are beyond the pain.” ~ Cecilia Bartholomew

J: What the hell is with all the overeating and poor choice making in food/meals? I am 53+ years old and still trying to stuff my feelings from a childhood decades old. My life is grand when I look at the big picture.

I am healthy, employed, have 4 wonderful children, a beautiful new granddaughter, great friends, my dad and siblings and extended family. I own my home and have a brother with a cabin I can use, right on the water. I have hobbies and interests and my eyesight. I do not take enough time to review what I am/should be grateful for...I spend lots of time analyzing what is wrong with my life.

As Thanksgiving rolls around, what are you girls grateful for?

B: Ahhhhh J. you've got the ailment that was popular up here for a long time and I'm sure it's true in Washington as well...Seasonal Affective Disorder...you need sun! Or one of those lights.

Meanwhile, thankfulness is my new watchword. I do mean NEW. Two years ago I was being swallowed up by depression and I made major life changes. It will happen for you friend.

I am now focusing on how abundant my life has become. I'm thankful for all of it; family, dog, roof over my head and food in my belly. I love my job and the people I work with. My job is fulfilling and I am healthy!

I sound like a preacher. I'd go stand on a street corner and share the news, but it's -1 F. outside. Phooey! (uh-oh a little negativity sneakin' in there)

Ms. M: I have nothing to say.

OK, OK. I do have a little something to say: Quit griping at me J! Geez. Can't a girl enjoy a snow day without being hounded by her gal pals...I mean REALLY. I AM cooped up with Husband ya know.

Food: So - So

Attitude: Bad

House: Dirty

Thanksgiving: In two days.

Is It Clutter or Hoarding?

2010-11-19T05:42:00.001-08:00

"I bring to my life a certain amount of mess." ~ Kitty O'Neill

J: My life has gotten so chaotic over the last month, I have begun to lose some very important things. I lost my driver's license about a week ago and this morning I cannot find my debit card. The harder I think and look, the less chance I seem to have of finding them. I am not sure if it is stress-brain, chaos-brain, menopause-brain or a combination of all three.

If my van is any clue, I am in BIG trouble. It is full of jackets, sweaters, scrapbooking crap, a lifetime supply of Trader Joe's low-fat kettle corn, games, trash, my sleeping bag, knitting...you name it. I could probably live out of it for a week if I had too. Why this is important is that I have tossed my purse into the car several times, with the zipper on the top open and think I probably tossed my important items under the seat or out of the car. If only I ever cleaned my van I might find them? I sort of feel about cleaning out the car like Erma feels about ironing:

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint." ~Erma Bombeck

Ms. M: I got up at the crack of dawn to go to a breakfast with Husband. It was for his school district's foundation and started at 7:30....so much for sleeping in! I promptly came home and caught up on a show or two tucked away in the DVR before deciding I was sooo exhausted that I needed a nap. Fast forward to 2:30 when I pulled myself out of bed. I wrote a couple of comments for my report cards and then proceeded to do a whole lot of nothing. Tomorrow will be report card finishing and car repair. B, how about you?

B: How did you get to be such a clutterer? I'm not sure that's a word. I was going to say hoarder but I'm thinking it's just car-clutter to the extreme. I know exactly what the difference is between your clutter and my clean in the car department...a garage door opener. I pull into the garage, have a vacuum on wheels and use it once or twice a month.

I love having a clean car and clean house.. It used to annoy the heck out of me not to have a clean car and house. Now it's just me and dog, sometimes grandbaby and daughter. Now I treasure the kid-clutter while grandbaby is here. I love to hear the way she sings the clean up song I taught her "cream up, cream up, blah blah blah". Not much cleaning to go with the song but my house will be clean when they move away.

Meanwhile, go out to your car with a bag in hand and sing, "cream up, cream up....". I'll bet you find the card.

J Needs a Shot in the Arm (Or A Kick in the Arse)

2010-11-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

J: Decided to get honest and post my stats for the last eleven months. Nice progress at the beginning. Not so much now. Help!

Can We Write the Fat Away?

2010-11-13T13:31:00.001-08:00

(* Now that J's grandbaby has arrived and been properly manhandled, we can get back to our regularly scheduled program)

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." ~Henry David Thoreau

J: We are three very busy ladies, with a lot on our respective plates. I don't know about you two, but when the weekend rolls around, I am overwhelmed with where to start on the things I didn't get done during the week and trying to spend new and improved quality time with my family, especially when Teen Daughter and Husband are so moody these days.

Because it's impossible to sleep in on the weekends, I jumped out of bed at 6:00 am and got the coffee and a load of dishes and laundry going. Now what? I did sneak a peak on Miss $!#% Scale to see if the evil life plan is working (it is!). As you can see, I jumped on the computer instead of actually addressing anything else. It is so much easier to hide in my computer.

B: If you are going to spend so much time on your computer J, start your book.

I started mine.

Possible Title: Fat Butt, Boobs and Brain

Chapter 1….Unhappy

B is suffering empty nest brought on by children leaving home, divorce and the deaths of her beloved parents and dog, all within a 5 year period.

Chapter 2…Melting

Like the ****ing snow in spring, B’s body begins to melt fat. Always a skeptic and yo yo dieter, B has no real hope.

Chapter 3…Brain Fat

Having lost fat on thighs, butt, and boobs, B works on losing the fat around her brain that is holding down her new self image.

It’s a work in progress.

Ms. M: If I actually had some extra time, I too would start a book.

Possible title: Quick Quips, Big Hips

Chapter 1: The Girls and Their Girls. Topic: the atrocity of bras....how they fit....what they look like....and what they cost

Chapter 2: More Flab Than Blab. Topic: the lack of energy to keep up with blogging, grading, and any other verb that comes my way.

Chapter 3: If a Pie is Eaten in the Forest and No One is Around to See it, Do the Calories Count? Topic: there isn't one....I'm out.

J: I am speechless! You both have books underway and I have......nothing.

How's this...possible title: Back Fat is Behind Me.

Chapter 1: J changes her entire way of living and thinking and takes on a very intricate, fancy weight loss program. It's called "Diet and Exercise". She is sadly lacking on the exercise portion.

Chapter 2: 55 pounds are tossed away and then? J's plan comes to a screeching halt. She is paralyzed. She cannot and will not move the scale's needle any lower. She cries out for help.

Chapter 3: Now what?

Welcome to Camp Grandma

2010-11-10T15:40:00.001-08:00

"If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first." ~Lois Wyse

J: For once in a great while, food has taken a back seat to my new obsession: my brand spanking, teeny tiny, new granddaughter. I am madly in love with her and am actually skipping meals to spend time with her. She decided to make her debut a month early, so we were caught a little off guard, but heartily welcome and adore her. She weighs just a little over four pounds now, just a smidge more than the weight I threw away last week. TEENSY! Her nickname is Peanut.

Everyone I know who has already entered the grandparent club just nod their heads and smile when I tell them how incredibly awesome it is to be a grandmother. They know! All of the fun and none of the work.

As B has mentioned a number of times (she is starting to sound like a broken record), that I will want to be the fit and healthy grandma that can keep up with the kid and NOT known as the old, tired, sluggish, fat, lazy grandma. I want her to be proud of me.

B: Congratulations J! A while back I told you to find something new to do.....you did! Some of the credit must go to the new daddy and mommy for giving you such a gift however.

You had better heed my warning J. Your little Peanut may be a babe in arms now, but soon, all too soon, you will have to run to keep up with her. I am so happy for you.

Ms. M: Well, I for one do not have a grand baby...I don't even have a baby...but the idea of report cards looms ahead like giving birth. Since I gathered up a head cold about a week and a half ago, I've been really tired. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by getting all of my grading completed...especially the writing. Grading 4th and 5th grade writing is a real buzz kill and just generally exhausting.

My food has been good and if I didn't have this stinkin' cold, I'd be all over seeing the new grandbaby and taking my turn (if I could pry her out of Teen Daughter's and Gammy's hands) to hold her. Just the other morning there was already a bunch of complaining from J about "other people" wanting to hold the baby. It "wasn't fair" that "other people" were moving in on her time....never mind that Gammy had like three hours of uninterrupted time right after she was born. Man...sometimes there's just no pleasing Herself.

Get Back on the (Clothes) Horse

2010-11-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

J: Raise your hand if you are absolutely sick of your clothes? All of them?

B: Nope, not even close! Love it, can't wait to look in my closet every morning and now, rather than my former arch enemy The Scale telling me I am sticking to my plan, the closet does it.

Go out on a limb, go buy a new outfit, that you only dream of wearing in the next size down. Hang them on the closet door, you will get into them by year's end, if I have to come down there and de-carb your house for you.

I bet right now, you have some sort of salty goodness in your house, don't you? Take that salty goodness and crumble it to bits, mash it with coffee grounds and make it into some sort toxic chemical looking substance...now get rid of it! It is time for a drastic makeover of your life plan. Move it!

Ms. M.: I hate that I'm where I get every time I drop the weight....the clothes I have are a bit big but the clothes the next size down don't fit. I hate my top heaviness too, since we're going about complaining. I mean really.....those two are just a couple of boobs! (I know, bad pun, but totally intended).

I'm pretty much hating everything right now...it's report card season.

J: Well…I can see B is happy, with all her weight thrown away. And Ms. M and sit in halfway land (more weight to throw away) and are complaining. Maybe I’ll figure out which side is happier and join that side.

I am sick of my clothes. I had Dockers pants in multiple colors: cream, tan, brown, striped brown, black. I lost three sizes but didn’t really want to buy a bunch of midway clothes, so my friend Gym Nazi sewed up the side seams by about 4 inches. But she didn’t take in the pockets so I look like a clown holding its pockets inside out…a diamond shape of sorts.

I can’t see spending money on clothes in a size I don’t want to be, yet I can’t seem to get off my ass and work my life plan. I want to say I am in hell, but really I think I am in limbo.

Try Something New

2010-11-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic." — Dave Barry

J: Today is Blog 230...exactly what I weigh right now. Coincidence? I think not. OMG I hope I get my act together so as the blog numbers increase, my weight goes down and doesn't follow the Blog Numbering System (BNS) and get incrementally larger.

I am starting to get very, very excited about my new granddaughter---she arrives in about five weeks. We bought them the crib yesterday and it makes it feel so real. My son's baby mama came over and wanted my help as she worked in the baby book that I gave her at the baby shower. I pulled out some of son's baby photos and we had such a good time looking at everything. So many good things: 1) she actually asked for my help (she is a do-it-yourself kind of girl); 2) we had several fun hours together; and 3) I passed on some more photos (with four kids, I have thousands of photos to deal with!).

I don't have a lot of fun in my life right now, so having a grandbaby gives me something to look forward to, but it won't fill my days. I am toying with what to take up now...dance? art? classes?

B: You are going to get your ass below 210 by year's end! That is my goal for you. You have got to get rid of the freakin carbs and take in more protein and vegetables. Eating carbs, "snacky foods" makes you want more carbs. Lower your calorie intake and eat more often, but smaller and NOT "off your plan".

Get the hell away from the computer and off your 230 pound ass. You fall into the same pitfalls every week....."fell off the horse", or "didn't stick to my life plan". Shake it up friend, when you see a big drop followed by another and another, you will have all the incentive that you need and the power to fill your days with happy things, not self-loathing. I'm here listening, but I know when you're not bloggin' there is some carb shoveling going on in the Pacific NW.

Ms. M: Well, I recommend dance....perhaps you can throw down with teen daughter's Irish dance class. I'd pay money to see it! I'm excited for you to have a grand baby...now if I can just get a BABY, we could be all super happy together. I mean really, B's got the grand baby, you have one coming, and all I have is Husband and a couple of pets.

J: Thanks for the tips gals.

Do we have any readers left? We have hit a dry spell with no comments forever. Are you there readers? It’s us, the three fat girls.

We Have Issues

2010-11-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Albert Einstein

J: I have stopped using my life plan tools and the resulting sloppiness and plateaus/gains are the unwelcome visitors. I haven't been: tracking my food, counting calories, blogging daily or going to see Gym. There has been much mayhem & foolishness and goofing around the past few weeks instead of following my own prescribed life plan.

I wish I could explain away these bad behaviors, but probably can chalk it up to to simply not wanting to love or take care of myself. Why the hell am I still dealing with self esteem issues in my 50's?

Today is Sunday, Halloween. It will also be grocery shopping day (stocking up on life plan appropriate foods and drinks) and planning my week out, including at least two visits to Gym, recording in my food journal and staying the course.

So...I want to know...how is your life plan going, B? Have you slid unscathed into a life maintenance plan or are you dealing with issues? And Ms. M...how goeth it for you? At last count, you were wearing yourself down at a great rate. How is your plan going?

Talk to me, girls!

Ms. M: My life plan is getting back on track. I jumped the rails a bit this last week, but I'm putting the better foot forward. Ballroom class is right around the corner....thank goodness! That is all the strength I have to put towards exercise. Sorry to be brief, but I'm exhausted. B, what say ye?

B: Of course I'm dealing with issues, do you think I live in a happy bubble? I am working hard not to let my fat girl brain take over the skinny girl brain that is in it's infancy. I still dream of cramming in every mini candybar in the bowl at every bank window, office desk and even at the gym! I was able to bypass the pot*uck in the staff lounge last week, even though some of it came to my room on a co-worker's plate. Did I want it? YES! Did I eat any of it? NO.

I have a news flash for you, J--you and I will be dealing with self esteem issues into our 60's and if we live that long, into our 70's and beyond. I would really enjoy being a crotchety old lady in the same nursing home as you, making our children's lives miserable, so get with it!

There, I'm not the gentle nice one today! Now leave me alone, I'm going to yoga this morning and simmer down.

Plateaus: Not Just a Land Form

2010-10-29T13:27:00.001-07:00

“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki

B: Conferences for first quarter....done. I loved them this year! No bad news to share, just great progress!

Now for the Halloween plan. I cannot have candy in my home but I want to be the great neighbor, Aunt and Grandmother, what do I do? Fruit snacks? Money? Apples? Lights out and risk an egging? Leave the candy bowl on the doorstep? Help!

Ms. M: Conferences are just around the corner for me, so no time to celebrate that accomplishment quite yet.

Candy: Pick a candy that you do not like to give out at Halloween. If you don't enjoy it, you won't be tempted to eat it yourself. If you can't find a candy that you don't like....ummmm......I'm not sure. I can always seem to find some sort of candy (like the sour patches) that I don't like.

Apples lead to an egging....stop trying to fool yourself. Plus there's that whole razor blade scare from the 70s that never seems to go away. If you really want to get egged, go with the toothbrush/ toothpaste angle.

J: I need to have a conference with my conscience and discuss fully the two-day binge that I have been on. It started with a wine tasting party (unlimited wine and snacks), moved on to the many staff room treats and will probably (hopefully?) end with the Halloween Game Night I am attending tonight (another smorgasbord).

Why am I so weak?

This doesn’t feel like low self-esteem or emotional overeating. It is all snacky food and in lieu of my meals. Mostly dip and crackers/bread. A tiny bit of sugar.

Am I doomed to stay fat?

In the unlikely event that I actually throw a pound away, Ms. M will tear me from limb-to-limb and B will give me a gentle lecture. Why do I disappoint them, my readers, my self?

As far as giving out candy to Trick or Treaters, B? I say lock the gate, pull down the blinds and throw on a chick flick.

Halloween Lite

2010-10-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." ~Fran Lebowitz

J: Ever hear the old adage "A lesson will be presented until it is learned"? That's how I feel about this Friday, which is a dual hit: staff room treats and Halloween parties at school. I can't even leave campus for lunch because I'll never get another parking space. This is a major day for our families. How will I make it through the day unscathed or just slightly scathed? What does scathed mean, anyway?

SCATHE: 1) To do harm to; specifically: scorch, sear. 2) To assail with withering denunciation. Miriam-Webster free online dictionary

Ms. M: Scathed is what you will be if you don't get your you-know-what together. Bring some healthy snacks, stay out of the parties and the staff room, and move the hell on.

B: Ditto to everything both of you said...I loathe the staff room and I loathe Halloween parties. Let's give the kids sugar, put them in wild costumes and then tell them to behave. Treats in the staff room and Potlucks…don't get me started, ours is tomorrow. I'm bringing diet soda and that's what I'll have. J, I'm not sure why you would have to leave for lunch...why not bring your own as Ms. M. suggested. You do have a certain amount of willpower, and willpower can trump all the poison in the staff room. Do not give in, please. Take Friday as a sick day if you must.

J: Why does it feel like B really loves me and Ms. M is delivering withering denunciation to me?

I Have Been To The Dessert On A Blog With No Name

2010-10-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

"A crisis is an opportunity riding the dangerous wind". ~ Chinese Proverb

J: What a crappy day today. Wild, windy, wet, freezing weather. Crisis all around me...work AND home. It's not the best day I've ever had, but it's certainly the most recent. Life plan starts out slow and tapers off as the day wears on.

College son had the day off, so he made two batches of cookies. Husband had previously bought break and bake cookie dough---WTF? Why is there still cookie dough here? I am beginning to feel like a self-loathing ball of life plan failure. Of course I ate the cookies...what did you think I would do in my current state? This day sucks

Ms. M: All I heard in that whole paragraph was, "Wah wha wha, wha. Whawha whawha wha wha. Wha. Wha. Wha." Just like the grown ups in Charlie Brown. I've decided that I'm over your massive complaining about the life plan as of late.

Did you or did you not JUST say to me this morning, "Okay, we've really got to get better and really focus on the life plan." What's it gonna take, I axe you?! (Readers...I do realize it's ask, but axe has a little alternate meaning for J). I've decided to shoot your nag and put her out of her misery. B, are you with me?

B: Crisis mode....it's how I lived for years. I became an adrenaline junkie. When there was no immediate crisis, I created one for the adrenaline fix or I got a carb fix. Is that what's happened J?

I still think you need to focus on yourself. You take care of everyone else at work and home, solving problems, dealing with deadlines and wearing yourself out so that when you do get home, you have no way of withstanding the temptation of cookies. The cookies soothe you for the moment until your self loathing kicks in and another crisis cycle begins. So, quick, easy answer...bypass carbs...throw them off the deck! Then work on the crisis holding you down, you have to do these things for you.

I'm Tired of the Previews, When Does the Main Event Begin?

2010-10-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” ~ Plato

Ms. M: Well, week four of ballroom has been completed. Husband and I have totally nailed the waltz...I'm not gonna lie to ya,,,,we're pretty pleased with ourselves. Last night was the second lesson for Swing. There are two things that we should never do when attempting the Swing: The Dishrag and the Cuddle. The Dishrag is just really awkward because we both have to go under at the same time and I'm short. The Cuddle is awkward because the girls are in the way.

Now, if I'm playin' it straight here, which I am, I have to admit that dropping more of the weight may help this issue. Not tons, mind you, as the girls have been my nemesis since the fifth grade, but it would probably do wonders for that whole arm-crossing-across-chest move. By the end of class I had downed all of my water (good job) and was completely worn out (good job). Girls, what have you got to share with the group?

J: I am pitiful and don’t have much to share that is exciting. I did travel to see my sister this week and bring her the painting I made her of her Mexican casa, a small thank you gift for hosting me and my familia in Mexico for two weeks this year. She loved it (I was shocked, because I think I am a sh*tty artist). I might mention that she is legally blind, but nevertheless! I took a girlfriend with me and my cousin joined us for dinner. It was a really nice evening.

I am struggling worse than ever with the life plan this week. I am not recording or tracking food again, and yesterday got caught up in a sugar melee (another staff appreciation lunch). What the hell is wrong with me? I know I am slightly depressed about the state of my union (marriage is hard!) and TD’s grades and money and everything else that is challenging in life. I just can’t seem to stop feeling sorry for myself and snap out of it. I visited Fat Grump’s blog and the message I took away was to start faking it. Okay, I can fake it for today.

B: I just took a very long google roundabout...I googled "dancing lessons" available in my area inspired by our dancing friend, which led me to googling "scuba Maui" thinking of my upcoming scuba/Christmas trip to finish my scuba lessons, and that made me wonder why you, my friend J, don't undertake something lessonish. I googled "adult lessons" in your area and I have compiled a list for you.

Adult art lessons...none were listed for people who are insecure artists lacking confidence in their own amazing artistic talent, you could teach most of these, but maybe they would give you some confidence or a new outlook.

Belly dancing...let's leave that one.

Spanish classes...If I were there, I would drag you to this one and then we could go on Spanish Immersion field trips to Mexico!

Horseback riding lessons....right across the street from your home????

Yoga Wellness, and Breathing....this would be at the top of my list for you...read it again...Yoga, WELLNESS, AND BREATHING!

Please friend, I am begging you to get out of your cave, do something new just for you. More unsolicited advice if I haven't overstepped..Pick one, don't try to recruit anyone else to go with you (this is you, finding a new interest just for you), carve out the time just for you, and make it your number one priority.

J: Can I just say that my belly dances just fine and lessons are not needed? I agree, I probably need to check out something new.

I Am So Tired Of Thinking Up Titles For This Blog

2010-10-20T06:21:00.001-07:00

"The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps -- we must step up the stairs." ~ Vance Havner

B: Hmmmm, It's never a good sign when I don't hear from you on Monday J. & M. I thought about it being a holiday but since it's Alaska Day today and you probably don't celebrate Russia handing over Alaska to the U.S. like we do I can only assume you are taking a break from a) your life plan or b) the blog.

I shall carry on. I have one thing to report. I spit out a bite of apple pie yesterday. I planned it, baked it, then put a bite in my mouth. In the obesity era of my life, I would have inhaled the whole piece then another and another and finally made a fresh pie rather than have anyone know that I had eaten as much as was gone. Yesterday, all I could taste was the overly sweet filling and the shortening of the pie crust. I chewed twice then spat it in the sink. I think this is a breakthrough...gross in the retelling, but a breakthrough.

Ms. M: Don't get all doom and gloom, B. I threw away 1.8 lbs. I say hooray for the apple pie...and your stealthy strength. I did not bake a pie, as I am too busy for that! Earthquake drill tomorrow. I can hardly wait to see how we do. J, what say ye?

J: Here I am! I threw away 2.0 pounds this week, B, just didn't take the time to report in. I feel behind in every area of my life, running from morning to night. I was gone for three days with the gals and when I got home, I was too tired to unpack or do laundry. Then the week starts....and it's downhill from there. Teen Daughter has dance in another town two nights a week that takes up three hours per night. Life is busy. And, during my lunch hour, instead of blogging, I've been knitting a baby blanket for my upcoming granddaughter. Busy hands don't eat as much.

My life plan HAS jumped the fence occasionally, I will admit. I am struggling to record what I eat, eat what I should, and to find other strategies to deal with stress rather than overeating. Does anyone have any inspiration for me?

Ms. M: Pants come in all shapes and sizes. Do you feel inspired? Seriously though, I have been living comfortably (with a little extra room) in a size 16. If you'll recall, I tried on one pair (of the three pairs that are a size 14 in my closet) a couple of weeks ago.

This experiment was worth mentioning, but the pants were not worthy of seeing the light of day. This week, I pulled a different pair of 14s out of my closet and slapped those hummers on. They fit. I think the key is in the label: stretch fabric. At any rate, since I had an off week right after my first try on and have not yet removed all of the off week weight, I KNOW that these pants must fit differently, but I say, "Who cares! I'm takin' it....I will proudly announce that I'm in a 14!" (and I will quietly try to get the other 14s on in a comfortable manner over the next couple of weeks.)

J: Apparently it has escaped me that I am trying to zip by you in the weight category, Ms. M. I want to weigh less than you. As Mick Jaeger says so eloquently, “If you start me up, If you start me up I'll never stop”.

Finding Fun

2010-10-18T06:20:00.001-07:00

"Fun is good." ~ Dr. Seuss

B: Midweek check-in ladies. Who is doing what with regard to health?

I am continuing the maintenance battle and adding choices back into my plan. Another change is the addition of two extra nights at yoga class. In my ongoing battle against a sedentary lifestyle I enrolled in a new dog training class for my lab partner and I will be attending two fun events this week.

The first is the annual trek to Anchorage for the Acapella Festivella with a few of my friends tonight.

The second is a new thing for me, a fundraiser for our local performing arts center. I have to dress up. This is throwing me into a tizzy. I don't know how to dress up. You remember the angst over the wedding reception dress. I look back again to my obesity era and remember that I thought I was dressed up if I wore black Dockers and a sweater set (3X). Now I'm not sure what to wear for any given occasion. I know my normal jeans and t-shirt won't work.

J: I feel calmer and more centered this week. For no apparent reason. Who cares? I'm on the old nag and we are ambling down the path of healthy choices. I am, however, spending the weekend with three girlfriends and I am pretty sure I will be substituting some of my calories for Lemon Drop Martinis!

I remember a time in high school, B, where we dressed up for “The Skeleton Walks” and I thought we looked pretty good—for size 14’s. I am envious, though because I haven’t ever had to dress up fancy (except for my weddings) and would like to take a spin in some satin and sequins (screw the high heels) and feel oh so pretty.

I know that Ms. M and her better half have been taking dancing lessons—not a bad idea,B.

Ms. M: Well all I have to say about B's fashion woes is this: Whatever you're going to end up wearing, it's going to be a size 6! When you're a skinny, most everything looks good. Be proud of this! I vote for something slightly low cut and with a skirt at the knee...maybe even a little slit. You're a smokin' hot mama now....get out and work it!

With regards to the sequins and satin, I'm going to have to throw away a lot more weight before I put ANYTHING shiny on this body.

Dance class is going well. We can now "kind of" swing. We know most of the steps...it's just not pretty.

Food Baby

2010-10-14T06:35:00.001-07:00

“Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama

B: A small bump in my road today. I gained a pound. I'm not whining, complaining or going off the deep end, only interested. I am learning how to reintroduce some of the foods I have stayed away from and it is a a learning experience. I am eating more carbs in the form or vegetables and fruits only. Interesting that I never considered fruits and vegetables as sources of carbs. In the dark days of obesity, I considered carbs as being primarily found in "c" words...cakes, cookies, and candies. I still have a lot to learn.

J: This reminds me of a Sesame Street song, B, sung by Grover..."C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me" etc. etc. I can add to that list...caramel, coffee cake, Cheetos, cupcakes, chocolate...to name a few.

I swerved to avoid your small bump in the road, and drove right off the cliff. I gained SIX POINT FOUR pounds this past week with my BAD behavior. I will not whine either, but I AM going to go off the deep end, much like the dive off the big cliff. SIX POINT FOUR pounds is nearly a full-term baby! I just shortened the term from 9+ months to 7 days and I don't have a cute kid to show for it. This is week 40, and previously, I experienced only three weeks with weight gain and the most was two pounds. I guess I have set a new record--but no trophy needed.

Speaking of babies, I am going to have a granddaughter born in two short months. I attended the baby shower this past weekend. This may(?) have contributed to my generous increase. However, I am NOT the one eating for two, so I need to knock this sh*t off. There also MIGHT have been a night at the Mexican restaurant with my co-workers, two trips through different drive-thru "restaurants", massive candy and snacks from the Staff Room and other assorted frowned on behaviors. Let's face it...I was out of control. I am trying to re-introduce foods/activities BEFORE I actually throw all the extra weight away.

I've decided to throw my depression away, get back up on the old gray mare and set forth down the rosy path again.

Ms. M: Just so you know, J, there's nothing like teen daughter reports to keep you honest. Your trip to McDonalds for a cheeseburger has been outed...just so you know. My pathetic self put on 1.5 lbs. as well. Husband put on two. It must be the week? I wonder if all people (well except GN who can't seem to put on ANY weight) added a little to themselves.

I know this is bad behavior talking, B, but quite frankly, if I'm going to reintroduce carbs to my diet....it's not going to be in the form of vegetables. UGH. But hey....if you love them....I say roll with it sister!

Now that J has gained a food baby, I can hardly wait for the birth. Will there be a shower? Perhaps at the gym? My sorry self has not been getting up to exercise as diligently. 4:45 is sooooo early. I am sticking with my ballroom class, though, and that's an hour and a half of moving.

My horse is broken (and let's face it, I'm terrified of riding it), so I've decided not to get back up on the horse. What shall my new vehicle of choice be, I wonder?

Alaskan Tales (Tails)

2010-10-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

"There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good." ~Edwin Denby

J: Okay, I'm a day older and a day smarter. Ms. M talked...and I listened. B chimed in. Fat Grump and Marie also commented on the state of my union. I've been feeling sorry for myself. and then choosing to eat crap to make myself feel better. When has that ever worked?Yesterday was candy...all day. Today is "get a grip" day.

Today is also 10/10/10, a fabulous combination of month/day/year. I have committed to develop some new strategies and new activities. Watch and see.

Ms. M: Today is also the baby shower...watch for falling cake.

I too have been in a bit of a funk...exhaustion has fueled mine. I can't seem to stop over-scheduling myself. And actually....for the most part...it's not me doing the scheduling...I'm merely a victim of my occupation. At any rate, I too am really working to hold myself accountable. My exercise program fell off over the last week, so I need to get that going again.

B: I'm not going to say a word about unions or food plans today. I'm a bit frightened of getting chewed on, it seems I can dish it out but I can't take it. Instead I'm going to tell you something interesting I did Friday night, even though I was in a funk as well, from job and blog.

I went out. Maybe that seems a bit boring, but for me, it was a major step out of my comfort zone. I went with a friend from work to a little ...hmmmm pub sounds too charmingly British, joint sounds too East Coast, I guess I'll stick with bar. It is built on a hill about a mile from here with a killer view of our valley and the surrounding mountains. The bar is circular surrounded by an octagon-shaped building of logs. My 5'4" self can stretch up and touch the roof.

The friend I went with is 60+ but looks 40. She adores the music, mostly Alaskan ballads of a local guy who has done well for himself, singing about the Iditarod sled dog race. Anyway, he place was so packed and the music was wonderful but so loud that I wanted to leave several times. I settled in for the long haul as my friend consumed more and more. I am going to think of her from now on when I get in a funk. She enjoyed herself with abandon.

She saw this young guy who she is on a cross-school team with and she bought him a schooner. Pretty soon, a glass of wine came her way from this fellow. This little bar was too full of people to know where the miniscule dance floor might be but danged if the guy didn't come over, grab her hand and lead her to a little area. People stepped back from them and gave them room to dance. His buddies had puzzled looks on their faces. Why was the dancing with her when there were plenty of young girls there? It's because they were having fun. They didn't care what anyone else thought or said, they had a blast. For the rest of the night my friend glowed, her smile never left and her foot never stopped tapping.

The bell was ringing all night as people with more $ than I, decided to liven up the place. Trays of shot glasses (plastic cups...no one wanted to wash glasses) were passed around. I still have issues with alcohol and restrict myself to the occasional lemon drop so I was sober and enjoying the music and antics of the crowd. The bell rang out again and it was announced that this round was on the senator from the great state of Alaska that was in the house. Sure enough, soon one of our senators made her way through the crowd stopping for photos with this group or that. This little bitty woman smiled her way around this packed bar, enjoying the music and sharing the moment with fellow Alaskans. My friend handed me her phone and stood for her picture too.

So…friends, I have a new plan, too. I am going to enjoy myself. I am going to tap my foot more and shake hands with people I don't know. I am going to enjoy moments.

Ms. M.: I like the part about the hot guy buying wine and wanting to dance. You need to be doing more of that, B! If your friend can do it...so can you. I can't wait to hear about future adventures.

J: Just hearing this tale makes me want to break out my dancing shoes and head up yonder. I will be waiting for the sequel where B shakes her moneymaker with the best of them.